Layin' It Off

I'm going to be gone for a while. Gone from the online world. I thought it's the time to set my mind back to its course so yeah..I'll be gone for a while.

I'm psyched about friday.

Death

So yeah...I've been wondering what is it like to actually experience death. Is it like how everyone said it was - the whole "your life will flash right before your eyes..." thing? Or is it just a long, long sleep in pitch black darkness? Well, I for one cannot tell. I can't for sure say that I believe in God, I can't for sure give anyone an answer that there is such thing as Heaven and Hell, but one thing's for sure, death is certain, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Death. Recently, by that I meant last night (lol), I dreamt that I had a near death experience. What came right before my eyes was a quick flash back. It was not like the whole flash backs of your life thing, but more like a fast recap of the recent happenings. It's kinda like showing to yourself how you died. It was really absurd.

White was the only colour around me at that time, and those quick recaps, doesn't seem to have any motives of being there at all. It was going at the speed of lightning, and I barely saw anything. All I saw was the colour of people's skin, and the colour white and blue as if I was in a hospital. Even though I can't really see anything, I heard voices; voices from those who I love oh, so very much, and some fainted screams at the background. The surrounding of the recaps was very hectic, and I felt so tensed watching them.

After all those hectic moments, I was somehow awake from my death. Not long after, someone in white approached me and said.."you had a near death experience". I looked at him wanting to ask what happen and I woke up from my sleep. It was all so weird. I woke up feeling rather weirded out and somewhat crappy. lol..

oh wells. It was all just a dream. lol. Still rather weirded out though..alrights. I'm outta here.

Time For A Move!

Not very long from now, I took a few minutes to browse through my older blogs. Not posts, but older blogs haha. (yes i have more than just one..) From what I've noticed, my English language have evolved throughout the years. haha. My English in my very first blog, which is the one in xanga, was T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E! Not to mention terrible with a capital 'T'. It was so bad that even you can't stand it. Seriously. I felt dumified after reading it. haha. It was really terrible..

Then, came along Friendster, a site where everyone was crazy over back in the days (i was too, if i may say so myself :) ). When Friendster was the hit back then, blogs were just starting its thing. So when blogs got really popular among the Internet world, Friendster decided to add that lil' application in. Oh, man was everyone psyched about it. heh..And of course, being the Internet addict that I am, I too created an account for the blog in Friendster. :)

(not to be braggy but...) When I read a few post in my Friendster blog, I find that my English there isn't all bad. It was quite good if you ask me. :) Then, it took me back to how I am in the present (which is now), I wondered to myself, how come my English had went down the drain? Goodness me...

I realised that it's a time for a move. I need to polish on my English language once again. It had been long abandoned, and now I will restart it again. No more fooling around. haha. I will try whatever it is to regain my former English knowledge.

heh. alrights. i'm done and outta here.

uncertainty.

stuck in between both worlds, sleeping but yet awake, cautious but yet blur. time after time, choices were made. from here to there, from there to here. wishes were made, promises were broken. every direction leads the light away. standing in front of a signboard that says lost and broken, where should one actually go?

toodles.

i thought

i thought i was your shelter,
i thought i was your truth.
i thought you would remember that i'll be there,
i guess i've expected too much from you.

i thought i was your wings,
i thought i was your saviour.
i guess i was lost in my dreams,
when you said i was the one you favour..

flash backs.

I came across this really, really, REALLY old song I used to hear back in the days. And well, it kind of brought me back to when I was 15 years old, back when I am just starting my journey of self discovery. I remember everything just like it was yesterday... Sitting outside at the hallway, with the lights off and the computer on. Chatting online, using a cheap, big and colourless phone, and sulk myself to depression as everyone was away from home. Depended on my friends for love and care, and gave them everything I had in me to repay them for their deeds. Afraid, fearful, vulnerable, timid, and quiet was I back in the days. Crying myself to sleep, crying myself to everything there is. Alone and have no way of expressing myself because of a terrible trust issue.

ah...i miss the old days. i dont miss who i was, but i miss how things were..

loves.

the song.

as the music played, she continued her dance to freedom. dancing and dancing, releasing every emotion she had in her. she let her mind drift as her body swing back and forth to the music. oh, how graceful she was. wearing white with nothing but just the shine of the moon shining down right at her, she followed the known steps and eventually, creating steps of her own. dancing round and round she went. she was the only one who was there. in her reality, everything is a fraud, but her fantasy is a world filled with life. she danced to the moonlight, with her eyes closed shut. her movement was ever so graceful that even the most graceful ballet dancer could not match her. daning and dancing was the only thing she was doing; even though in her mind, but she could feel everything. the pain, the sorrow, the song.