Can You Hear Me Whispering?

sometimes, i have reasons to why i don't choose to talk. i have all the answers in the world and it's all in me, fearing to come out, afraid of what the responses are because it is normally turned down or being yelled at.

Do we know it all? Nope, we don't.

I'm sorry for not making this blog interesting enough. It is more of my space to vent, virtually. haha. I have no interest in posting up photos and talk about them photos unless I have the mood to. It is just too much work for me. Plus, my computer is annoyingly slow so, it isn't advisable. Once again I am trying to stop using the word 'lol' from my virtual vocabulary. It seems that I am using once too often. Hms..who would've known eh?..

I hate that my blog is constantly about me and what I think of the world. I hate it, but this is the only place I can really pour my everything to. Call it a virtual diary, I'd like to call it a healthy session of venting or ranting heh..I feel sort of better after blogging. Sort of. It used to work a lot back in the days; not so much nowadays. I honestly do not know what happened there. Perhaps, it is one of those phases. I know I used to get addicted to blooging. Now, it is just impossible for me to do so because I am lazy and I have nothing to talk about. Even if I do, it'd be the same thing again and again so, there's no point.

So today, I went to Summit, yet again. It's my Tuesdays routine for the next three month. I follow Charlene to USJ, Subang Jaya, to her college while I hang at the cafe around the area until she is done with her class. And again, do not ask me why am I so nice, I just am. Put a sock to it already. Today, I got lectured three times by two different people which annoyed the living hell out of me, but I cannot do anything but to listen. Ugh..sometimes I just wished they'd listen to my side of the story without judging it or rather, understand it. But no harm done la..It's all for the better.

I am somehow very much distracted tonight, which made me sleepless even though I am super tired. I do not know what's exactly in my mind. Can't really pin-point it for me to even say what's wrong. Perhaps it is the time of the month coming its way. I hope it is.

Anyways, I am going to start working soon. With Toshiba. Gonna start promoting home appliances for Toshiba. I just hope I do not freeze when I get the job. Electronics was never my best thing to remember about. Oh which reminds me, I need to get some slacks for work too. Geez...so many thing to get, so lil cash at hand.

I should be sleeping now. It's close to 3am already. Gotta wake up in two hours time. Hopefully I can. aih..

Goodnight all. Sweet dreams.

Wooot

wooow...

I finally saw the owner of Uncle John's kopitiam for the first time! LOL. Anways..

I notice I haven't update in a while now. So, yea, I'm gonna update a bit. heh..This weekend is gonna be a blast! Gonna hit the 'cybers' to kick some zombie and alien invasion asses. haha.

Left 4 Dead!




and also
Comand and Conquer 3!



Woooh! Two of the most rad games now! wuahaha! haha. Anyways, I've updated my playlist with yes, Adam Lambert's version of No Boundaries, single! So happy I manage to find it. Really love his voice. And Kris's too nonetheless :)

The two Idols,


were clearly very close to winning, but to the world's surprise, our 23 year old, Kris Allen got the title instead of the ever-so-great, Adam Lambert who's at the age of 27. To a lot, Adam deserve the title of 'American Idol' because he is more of a star than Kris will ever be. For me, though, they're both equally good and both have their own speciality :) . Love the both to bits. Can't wait for their albums to be released.

Meanwhile, I am now wifi-ing from Uncle John's Kopitiam (my usual Tuesday routine).


This place here is nothing but like all 'kopitiams' are. Great with their coffee and nasi lemak. haha. Nothing too special about this place. LOL. But we do get really good wifi for a really cheap price :) depending on what you order (the $2.30 teh ais) ;) haha.

Anyways, that's all from me for now :) Don't what else to update haha.

Business Quiz : This Thursday

Peace out

The Stranger Within

Everyone has a stranger inside of them. A stranger that they have yet to discover. This stranger is someone that can either wreck you or someone that can fix you. It depends solely at how you want to see it though. This stranger lives inside of you for many years, wearing your clothes, seeing with your eyes, touching with your skin and walking with your feet. This stranger is also your subconscious telling you to move away so this new person can come out from your small 'hell hole' of a body. This stranger - is me.

There could be a way to turn back, but this power, this emotionless being feels the greater deal of a person than that timid, laughing freak. The constant battle of these two constantly happens and sometimes, the darkside wins the best, or in this case, bad case. This self-centered, emotionless, and jerkish person just wants to come out to destroy the other happy, bubbly fucker that constantly gets battered. Enough is enough, it thought.

Is it even advisable to remain to be this dark and cold person that she never meant to be? Possibly. If she wants to. This stranger just wants to come out and kick the timid, bubbly asshole's face because it always lets everything slip by, and hurt whatever ego this dark figure has. Yeah, it has a very high ego sense, but the bubbly side just kept pushing it down to remain the peace and balance. It is just isn't enough for the darkside, not enough. It couldn't stand to be battered again and again without having a say to it.

"but I don't know how to fight back and I hate causing trouble"

Then stay the fuck off says the darkside. It wants to come out to beat the crap out of the people who has pushed its ego down low on the ground and still want to step on it because its fun to. Yes, it is fun, it is, but the darkside just wants to come out and slap those who finds it fun at teasing because whether everyone like it or not, it damages. Fuck it, it says. Slap the people who did it.

Not letting the darkside win, the light came into play and tell justice on the idiot. The darkside says,

"Idiots! Idiots who don't know how to hold their tongues and you're asking me to hold back because it's the right thing to do?? How is that justice MR.MAN??!" sarcastically.

Justice, pointed out the light.

"Whether we like it or not, telling people off straight in their face is just plain rude and uneducated. It is only done by people who cares not of others feeling and we are more than that, we have a good heart. Battered soul and ego, but good heart. Our master is great! So justice it is. Whether you like it or not"

"Yeah, yeah" replied the darkside. But it refuses to sit and do nothing and still get battered from the back and being teased for no reason. So it decided to act on its own and take over whatever it can to its own advantage. It was working for a while, just for a lil while. But it failed so badly. The light still wants to shine through anyways. "Justice!"

---------------

ignore me..fighting with my own emotions isn't a very easy thing to do.

bear with me for just a few days.

or however long it takes.

i really dont know.

it's not you, it's me

sorry..

Lanehoz may have dual personality

Alive? Not Anymore.

We but of human beings trying to survive this ratcheted world. Constantly strive for companion we continue to venture this big, but yet very small world. Everyone knows each other one way or another. Life is like a circle, it goes to the other end and back to its initial start.

I don't really know how people can be happy most of the time. I really don't. I wish I do though. Grr..whatever man.

There isn't much I want to say today. I don't really have the mood to talk about anything. lol. ah well..toodles.

-over and out-

p.s. my bloody fucking, wtf-ing .. is a bloody fucking, asshole fucker, ASS! AN ASS!! a fucking bitchy, mother-fucking ass! AN ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKING ASS!!!! GARH!!!!!!!!!!!! BLOODY FUCKING HELL!!!!!

Lanehoz misses the times when she was genuinely alive..

"Let the head do the talking. Heart, stay the fuck out"

Sometimes all we need is just some company; some company to makes us feel a 'lil better, some company to make us a little less alone, and some company to keep us going. Yeah..all we need is some company. I know I tend to feel lonely, especially when my hormones decides to eat me up, but loneliness is something I cannot help feeling. It's written all over me (no kidding). I wish loneliness is not something one have to face, but it indeed is. I wish I could runaway and not think of it, but dang, I can't. I just..can't.

Sometimes all we need is some reassurance; the same reassurance that one friend give to another, the same reassurance that will keep another sane, and the same reassurance that will binds two individuals together. Yeah..reassurance..Haven't got that in a while now. I did, sort of though; and that is one reassurance that I need to keep on going. But, is it enough?..Conclusion is that we are still human beings, and human beings constantly needs more and more. As greedy as I may sound, but, I need to hear them somehow. Or perhaps I am just imbalance.

Is it this hard to get a positive stroke? Yes. Yes, it is. It is indeed very hard to. To me at least. I, for one, never really had a proper positive stroke (word or physically). It has always been negative or none at all. Most of the time it's none at all. lol. Nowadays though, I've been getting bits and pieces from my parents, but...it is way too late for me to feel it. I am no longer in the stage where family comes to play. I guess there is also a good side to this. Being able to stand loneliness like no other; sure it is torturing, but I can stand it like a lot can't, and I'm thankful for that..I guess?

aih..this is torturing. Having imbalanced hormones without having a proper reason to commence any conversation to make myself feel a 'lil less alone. Gosh. aih..awh well..gotta live with it for the next few days. Just when we think having a reason to be depressed is bad; try having absolutely no reason to be depressed. It's torture. Plain, cruel, emotional torture.

I think I should leave now. toodles. take care all.

-over and out-

LaneHoz:
what's more torturing than leaving me a whole day without food?
it is me having imbalance hormones with absolutely no reason for me to talk, vent or cry.
my gosh. this is torturing.

"What Difference a Day Makes"

"You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. You don't recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there's not enough time, because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days, you know?"

-Dr. Isabel Stevens, Greys Anatomy
Thursday's episode, 7th May 09;
What Difference a Day Makes

I heard the most brilliant quote ever from my ultimate favourite TV show, Grey's Anatomy. Though that TV show is full with drama and a lot don't really understand the show because of its drama, but all of those aside, they actually have marvellous quote. Quotes that links to your own lives, quotes that makes you realize, quotes that is worth listening to its every word.

Last episode was a great one; the best I've seen so far of all of the episodes of Season 5. I guess the 100th episode did left the world with a blast eh? It was awesome, sad, and realizing. We do not know what's going to happen to Izzie though; whether she's going to die in the season finale or is she not, but I, personally, highly doubt it. But that episode, best so far. Grey's Anatomy never seize to surprise me week by week. Awesome show.

If you all have never watched it, you all should catch it. ;D It's awesome. So damn awesome. For their medicines, drama, lines, everything. Story especially. Great show.

-Over and out-

Lanehoz loves the latest episode of Grey's

Sometimes..

"I knew something like this is going to happen..well..it did.."

Perhaps it is time.