Cries, cries, cries.....

I AM A HUMAN!!  I AM STILL A HUMANNNN!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! I'm a human..a humannnn.. HUMANNN!!!...A person with flesh and blood plus emotions! Where am I now? What the freaking helll............I feel so god damn lost! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL.....I still needed to be reminded.... x'(

Is Finally Broken!

Haha! Though the title doesn't seem as happy as people would think, but it is! :D haha. I have been thinking lately. Okay, not lately, but just a few moments ago. haha! I thought, it is good to let the ones we love go for the better of things. When I say let go, it's not the whole, I don't care or anything of that sort, but letting go in a way that, they can be happy, and so can we. haha. Deep? I know! :D I realised that there is better ways to care and love someone than to just hold on to them. A good friend of mine once said, "to hold on to them when they want to be free, equals to driving them away", and well, yeah, I see the picture now. haha! I felt sooo bad for trying to pull her back again and again the first time I knew about all this. lol. I think you know who you are. haha. ;)

Anyhow, I have embraced it! YEAY ME! :P (though I feel like I'm talking to myself, but it's okay! :D) I just want to let everyone know that, it is okay to be like who I am for a while, but make sure it isn't too long because, no good comes with jealousy. haha. I nearly forgotten about that. That's how terrible things can be. We forget. Reallyy!! haha. After I was reminded about that with a random conversation I had with a good friend of mine (which was OMG! godsent! 'coz out of no where we talked about losing the people we love!), I couldn't think of what's worse; loosing what I have completely or having them with me all the time when they don't want to be. Thoughts like that kept swimming through my head, which made me stone for almost 3days. haha. Things can get better or worse depending on how we, human, want to look at it. haha.

haha. Anyways, I got to go pack dinner for my family now. haha! Till then, toodleloo!

Dumbness Rating. haha!

Okay, these are the rating for being dumb. (by Charlene and not me..haha!)

it's from lowest to highest by the wayyy..haha! :P

1. dumpling (i don't know what and why, but yeah! LOL! )

2. donkey kong (a half donkey, half mad gorilla. People can be creative huh? haha)

3. king kong (from a half donkey and half mad gorilla, to full mad gorilla! it has evolved!! hahahaha!)

And yes, I was being called all that by, yours truly, over there..haha! She kept upgrading me, and degrading me. What kind of nonsense is that?! hahaha! Every time, she calls me dumpling, I feel like eating 'em! arghh! But, haha! No dumpling is the best than the one back in hometown! haha! I so can't wait for the next visit! (which is...erm..NEVER?? haha! Unless Cina New Year laa..which is next yearrrrr! argh!) She is soooo going to tempt me with it everyyytimmmeee! Trust me, I can sense that! hahaha! :P

Anyways, I'm out. Tired as hell! Cheerio! 

Realisation!

Today is officially the happiest day of MY LIFEEE!!! I realised so many things! It's really amazing how a simple thought can make you realise such a big thing in your life! Oh my goshhh!! haha!

Anyways, I want to personally thank all my friends to be there for me! Though I have been really blind, and rather too stubborn to admit that you all are around, but I assure you, it wasn't intentional! haha! I was to blinded to see it all. I guess I was too caught up with the darkside haha! Stupid, ridiculous darkside! haha! At least now, I know that I am not going to be alone! I thought I was for a while. I forgotten that they existed there, ready to assist. I forgotten the care and love they have for me. I forgot! haha! I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, how could I? But, as usual, shit happens, and it blinds us all! haha! 

I thank you ALLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You all know who you areee!! haha! I would dieeeee without any of you! You guys are my light! omg! I'm soooooo thankful right nowwww!! haha! :D And happy nonetheless! :D 

hahahha! yeay! Anyways, I'm outta here! haha! See you all latersss! :D

...

What can I say?..Nothing.

I...

Floating on the sea far away from home, she looked up to the skies above her. She sees the same sky I stare at every night, back when life was simple. She stared at the beautiful night sky, where she and I once wished for a brighter star. As she drifted further than she was supposed to be, she felt a slight chill. The cold, cold breeze was blowing ever so calmly, as she let herself drift far into the distance. She remembered all like it was just yesterday, when we only have each other for all the world's weight to be lifted. We gave each other hope, care and most of all, love. Now that I'm gone, she told me that she has an undirected path for her emotions. It has no where to be channeled to, it has no where to go, and it has no life. Oh, how she wished she knew sooner. 

Days went by. She dread everyday like how people feared Amargeddon. Day by day, I am slowly going away, and because of that, she is slowly dying inside. She is happy for me, and she is overjoyed. But, the thought of losing me, killed her. Though we did promised each other that we won't abandon one another, but she said she is emotionally imbalance without me. I was the one she constantly ran to when she's down, when she's sad, when she's frustrated, and even when she's happy. But, she said that it just seems so difficult now. She know I said that I am not going anywhere, but, she claimed that it is never that simple. 

She fell for my empathy. She fell for my constant problems. Now that she know she is not the only one, she broke down. She leeches onto my sorrows for her joy. Talking to me, whether it is about my problems or hers, is the only way she could be happy. But, now, she is not going to be the person that I constantly run to anymore. She is not going to be the one who I will go to when I'm sad anymore. She could not take it.

Still drifting far away from home, she stopped and listened. The sea breeze, the wind blowing, and the sound of her sinking into the water. It was quiet, real quiet; so, so quiet, and then...She disappeared.

-just wanted to write a freaking sad story to match my mood for the day.

Another piece, FOUNDed!

I found another piece of me! haha. I realised that things aren't as bad as I always like to think. swt. haha. It's nice to know that sometimes, it is okay to be a human. It is not wrong, and is definitely not a sin. I know I can be pretty vulnerable. Okay, not pretty, but a lot. I can be pretty, damn vulnerable. Stupid self-esteem of mine is never active. haha. BUT! I know what I want in life now. haha. For now at least. I guess that's good enough. Don't ya think? ;) 

Letting go of people I dear the most hurts like fuck, but then again, it has it's own benefits too! I can be happy. haha. Though happiness was said to be temporary (Vonfucious??...haha), but I at least can be happy for that moment, and cherish it. haha. Leeching onto people's emotions for mine is silly as hell! I know it's stupid and it will give nothing but more trouble, but, if that's the only thing that makes me happy, why must I?..haha. At least now, I can make sure they are happy too! I can tryy....I don't want to be those typical psychologists that goes ; "are you okay" & "how do you feel about that" kinds. haha. It's soooo dead..haha. So, I'm working towards the talking kinds. I hope I can succeed. GOAL babyyyyy...haha. 

Anyways, just for the random announcement, and also to share my current excitement, I just wanna say....

I found my OWN SonG! whheeee!

hahaha! It's Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. I listened to it today, and realised it just now itself. haha. I lazy wanna explain why here, but I'm sure to tell to those who I want to tell later on, in MSN hahahha! OK! I'm done! Adios! Take care to all readers and bloggers!