Sometimes, it takes more than just one party to show affection. These things takes two for it to work out, and with that I now understand why I have been drifting away from society the past few weeks.
To make it simple, let's just honestly ask yourself,
have you ever felt tired? Like really tired, tired?
Well, I have. The past few weeks had been stale for me because I had been thinking about alot of stuff that usually wouldn't even cross my mind. I, somehow, got lost along the way. I went from a person that feels for anybody and everybody to a real cold person. I isolated my feelings away from everybody because...I was just so tired; too tired to feel, too tired to know, too tired to please, and too tired to show. I was just..too tired. And with that, I subsciously pulled myself away from society and isolate myself with just me. Who would've knew?..
You know..sometimes we tend to forget who we really are, and I think I have really forgotten who I really was until the other day when I was at Charlene's. Yeah..we did had a talk if you're wondering. According to her, while she was away with her brother's wedding stuff, I've been really distant. And also ever since she got back from Australia, yeah, I was there, but it was as if I am not emotionally there - just the body. You see, there's a story to that.
I used to be a real warm person. I care for everyone as if they are my family, but ever since I had things going on in my life, with the pressure that studies was giving me, I somehow pulled myself away from the world and became the this me. The this me, cares for no one or rather, care less for people. I felt as if I couldn't be bothered listening to people and their problems because I've had enough convincing them that it is okay, when I know it clearly it will not be unless they are able to stand up and say "I CAN"; otherwise, it was just all words. I just didn't see the point anymore, and there is when I withdrawn. I pulled myself away (without me knowing) and restarted my mission to search deeper into life for what I am REALLY passionate for.
Guess what? It did not end well. I wound up pushing everyone I cared for away and became this person that everybody hates. It's really funny now that I think of it. How can one that everybody used to love become someone that, now, everybody hates? Sometimes life just have questions that can never be answered.
Anyways, back to where I was. So, Charlene was telling me that I was emotionally withdrawn from her and everybody else ever since she left to Australia. I did not do it intentionally, but I really was tired from caring for a while. Guess that kinda just made me cold. You see, things happens in many funny ways and this is one of them. Funny thing was, I thought I was fine while Charlene was in Australia for two weeks because I really did not feel that I was crazily missing her while she was away (unlike the last time). It turns out, I was wrong. It was because I had withdrawn myself while she was there, that I manage to not feel anything. And thus, I grew cold. Plus, what I was thinking and pondering about did not help the situation one bit. I got real cold.
That evening, we spent, I think, about an hour talking about this. It took a while to realize what I had done to myself and that how I miss my passion for knowledge. I stopped caring because I could not stand feeling, and because of that, most of me went along with it. I live my life based on intuition, and if without feeling, I could not do nothing - that's why I was so cold (epiphany!). After we talked and after me telling her what was up my ass for the past months, I was alright again, but of course, I need some time to get back. I still feel I'm that ass of a person still.
Awh wells. Things will soon set back in place. Plus I tengah PMS-ing :P . That would explain most of the reason to it - best excuse ever!
Anyways, I'm heading off to watch How I Met Your Mother. It's a damn good show. Cheerio y'all!
To make it simple, let's just honestly ask yourself,
have you ever felt tired? Like really tired, tired?
Well, I have. The past few weeks had been stale for me because I had been thinking about alot of stuff that usually wouldn't even cross my mind. I, somehow, got lost along the way. I went from a person that feels for anybody and everybody to a real cold person. I isolated my feelings away from everybody because...I was just so tired; too tired to feel, too tired to know, too tired to please, and too tired to show. I was just..too tired. And with that, I subsciously pulled myself away from society and isolate myself with just me. Who would've knew?..
You know..sometimes we tend to forget who we really are, and I think I have really forgotten who I really was until the other day when I was at Charlene's. Yeah..we did had a talk if you're wondering. According to her, while she was away with her brother's wedding stuff, I've been really distant. And also ever since she got back from Australia, yeah, I was there, but it was as if I am not emotionally there - just the body. You see, there's a story to that.
I used to be a real warm person. I care for everyone as if they are my family, but ever since I had things going on in my life, with the pressure that studies was giving me, I somehow pulled myself away from the world and became the this me. The this me, cares for no one or rather, care less for people. I felt as if I couldn't be bothered listening to people and their problems because I've had enough convincing them that it is okay, when I know it clearly it will not be unless they are able to stand up and say "I CAN"; otherwise, it was just all words. I just didn't see the point anymore, and there is when I withdrawn. I pulled myself away (without me knowing) and restarted my mission to search deeper into life for what I am REALLY passionate for.
Guess what? It did not end well. I wound up pushing everyone I cared for away and became this person that everybody hates. It's really funny now that I think of it. How can one that everybody used to love become someone that, now, everybody hates? Sometimes life just have questions that can never be answered.
Anyways, back to where I was. So, Charlene was telling me that I was emotionally withdrawn from her and everybody else ever since she left to Australia. I did not do it intentionally, but I really was tired from caring for a while. Guess that kinda just made me cold. You see, things happens in many funny ways and this is one of them. Funny thing was, I thought I was fine while Charlene was in Australia for two weeks because I really did not feel that I was crazily missing her while she was away (unlike the last time). It turns out, I was wrong. It was because I had withdrawn myself while she was there, that I manage to not feel anything. And thus, I grew cold. Plus, what I was thinking and pondering about did not help the situation one bit. I got real cold.
That evening, we spent, I think, about an hour talking about this. It took a while to realize what I had done to myself and that how I miss my passion for knowledge. I stopped caring because I could not stand feeling, and because of that, most of me went along with it. I live my life based on intuition, and if without feeling, I could not do nothing - that's why I was so cold (epiphany!). After we talked and after me telling her what was up my ass for the past months, I was alright again, but of course, I need some time to get back. I still feel I'm that ass of a person still.
Awh wells. Things will soon set back in place. Plus I tengah PMS-ing :P . That would explain most of the reason to it - best excuse ever!
Anyways, I'm heading off to watch How I Met Your Mother. It's a damn good show. Cheerio y'all!
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