It Has Ended!

IT'S HOLIDAY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Yeah, the end of my third semester has started yesterday after my Psych paper. Psych was reasonably good as usual, hopefully it is enough to pass =] . Anyways, for the next two to three weeks, I'm gonna do some catching up as well as some travelling! My friends and I had so much planned already for the holidays. Besides that, Charlene is planning to train me during this next 2 weeks. haha. >.<''. Whereas for myself, I am planning to swim everyday at my cousin's apartment. Gonna do some self-training. It's been ages since I've swan omgosh. Properly anyways. Sure pancit d. >.<. Swimming relaxes me and it's the best form of sport I've ever found (i don't have to sweat). haha. Swimming actually, burns 2times more than running or any other form of sport does. This is actually proven haha. What they said was that because swimming requires both our arms and legs as well as our body movement, so we tend to burn 2times more than any other sport does. I used to swim a lot back in high school. Explains why I was so blardy tiny back then. haha. I only gained weight reaching end of high school, when SPM was closing by. Besides that, it was also 'coz of all the dramas that was floating around that caused my eating disorder =P.

Motivation is the most important thing to stay healthy. I know why I am like this now was 'coz I got a lot discourage about my sudden weight loss back in high school - my mom wanting more. Geez..I know I am also to blame for eating a lot, but it doesn't hurt to say something nice about it rather than to shoot it down and say that it's not enough >.< .... lol. I don't give a damn about my mom wanting me to loose weight anymore. She is never satisfied about my weight loss, so why bother for her. haha. I am doing it for me now, and it feels 10times better than having her notice it. haha. My friends notice more than she does. haha. Like I said, she is never satisfied with my weight loss. bleagh. So people, please motivate your friends or/and family please. Don't shoot them down, or they will choose to rebel. Especially adoloscences.

haha. I notice I've been talking a lot about myself lately. I really don't know why though. Perhaps the selfishness is coming out? haha. I've never really think for myself until my friends constantly plant that thought into my mind. haha. I guess I have changed a lot from high school. lol. It's weird when you think about it, really. haha.

Oh wells..I'm outta here. Hopefully this will be one hell of a holiday!

toodles!

Lanehoz wants to walk away

Hakuna Matata =]

After a long, depressing and emotionally tiring 3 months of my third semester, it is finally come to an end. I felt a huge relief in my heart after my Psychology exam yesterday. I couldn't be happier for the end of it all. But wait, it doesn't just end there. After my one hour trip to KLCC with Charlene (haha), I got home just to find my Psychology scores for my 60% from the term are out! I also checked my IMs that were left for me haha. One of my IMs were my group members being all thrilled about our PDP presentation marks. Being all excited while reading their IMs, I quickly scrolled to see how much it was and guess what?? A whooping 14.75% out 20% baby! One of the second highest groups in the whole entire list! I was jumping when I saw that. haha. I really did not expect it. Great job team! I'm proud of all of you. =]

This day couldn't be any better.

I found out that my Psychology is only 9.85% away from passing the paper! I was so happy. My gosh. haha

Guess me thinking that I lead the team slobbishly isn't true. haha. Great to know that we've done a great job. This is great! haha.

ooh..I've been addicted to Rafiki's (the baboon from Lion King) quote;
"santi sana, squashed bananas, ooooo oooo, ooo ooooo"

haha. hakuna matata people. May your exams goes well. =]

All the best!

toodles.

Lanehoz is soring and is soring high!

Tears of An Angel

currently listening to: Lovers's Tears by Olivia

I love the song I'm listening to. It's so...heartbreaking yet uplifting. haha. She's a great Asian singer. Olivia's from Japan who is making covers of mixes of English, Japanese as well as to Chinese songs. Her covers are very awesomely done. Very well done. Love it so much.

Anyways, finals is a few days away and haha I have yet to really study. lol. Oh wells..lol. Don't feel like it..lol.

Oh wells...life. haha.

LaneHoz wants to cry..
but she couldn't.

Where Has it Gone?

I can't bare to know, nor can I bare to see you go.
damn it
and
damn it all..

Thoughts swims in my head as I let myself sink into the sea of depression. Perhaps me running is a good idea for now for it is just way too much to bare with the pain I am experiencing. I'm so sick of crying, I'm so sick of dying. I'm so sick of trying and I'm so sick of lying..Wearing but of nothing, a mask on my face, just so I can get through the day without having to spread the gloom I have lingering on me. I can't bare the fact and the truth that one day will happen, that I sometimes just know, I hate it.

Even though there isn't a certain answer to it, but I know it will one day happen. Hopefully by then I am ready. To think about it, pains me so much..lol. So..yeah..bare with me..

LaneHoz wants to runaway..

That Christmas I've Longed

currently listening to : we are the reason - david meece

I miss that Christmas where I first felt so alive.
I miss that Christmas where I felt a genuine joy.
I miss that Christmas where I felt loved.
I miss that Christmas where I felt it all.
I miss that Christmas . . .

That Christmas where I was first brought to known what the true meaning of Christmas is. Never have I felt so alive nor have I felt so at home, oh that Christmas. Being with the bunch people which never did cared about personality but more of what's inside, the bunch whom I can laugh and cry to whenever and wherever they are, the bunch I love oh, so much.

That Christmas that opened my eyes to what people are and to what friends are. Naive as I can be back when then, these people never did make a fuss about it neither do they try to contradict on my beliefs. Oh yes, that Christmas, my oh my how I miss it so dearly. Giving and sharing were what they all did and sharing would be with family as well as to friends. Oh, that Christmas.

Never have I got that Christmas back the years after. Year and years passed by, and never did I come close to that feeling I felt back at that Christmas. It saddens me. Christmas now, is very blue and lonely, very much like a gloomy, dark room. My perception on Christmas changed after a while and never did I got back that Christmas I have longed for.

Oh yes, that Christmas. How I miss it so much.

Perhaps now, Christmas is going to be just another celebration we do. Just like every other festive season we have. Perhaps one day, I will get back that Christmas I once felt back. It feels really close to me, but yet still so far. It will be here one day, but for now, I will just hold the memories and feelings of that Christmas close at heart, hoping it will come back to me one day.

That Christmas..

LaneHoz misses that Christmas so much
She knows she is able to feel it again
just, it has not come yet
but it will

Not Superman, Human

I am not a superman neither am I a hero. I feel, I think, I have needs. Though at times, I really wish I don't feel at all. Emotions is but another boundaries that stops us to do what we are capable of doing. Sometimes, it is way too much to handle. We are all broken and we should all admit it. It is better to admit than to deny. We have but of so much we can do and can give, so why not take a break one day to forget it all? Why not?

Yea, I hell wished I can be superman. That I can save the world and cool stuff like that. haha. But I know I can't (ooo unless it's the whole adrenaline thing! that's freaky). Sometimes, hurt is way too much to bare that we faint, we lose control. Everyone knows that pretty damn well, as well as myself. We need help, in fact, we ALL need help. haha. But you and I and everyone knows that sometimes, it is better to handle some stuff alone before we go to another. I guess we either have issues or we just think well, we are capable. I for one, knows I am capable.

I won't cry unless it's too much to handle. I won't tell unless it's too much to bare. I won't call unless I know it's safe. I know I won't. I am way too proud to admit I am weak (now that's a weird thing to be proud of). (Not to blow my own horn but...) I know I am a very much humble and down-to-earth person, but when comes to myself, I will not expose until I feel it is right. Sometimes we just need time I guess. But time says nothing, time saves nothing. I have a huge ego when it comes to my vulnerability. haha. I am an easy person to get to know but a very hard person to open up. I have a shell. haha. A huge, tough one. haha.

Sometimes, we just got to do some things alone. We do. It's like a thing we humans have. We think we are able to handle it, we think we are able to do so many things but we just cannot. Ahh wells..Guess I will stick to being a human for now :)

Alrites. I'm done.

-over and out-

Lanehoz wants to sore high up

The Mind Speaks

THIS CONTAINS CONTROVERSIAL ISSUES

-- if you want to comment about it, be my guest, just don't go completely against my believe --
-- i respect your point of view so try to respect mine :) --

please and thank you!

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Life and death. A question we constantly ponder about. There is no real answer to whether there is a heaven and a hell, but one thing's for sure, I believe in reincarnation (haha. score 1 for being a Buddhist. haha).

Reincarnation; not something a lot believe in. People who's in Buddhism, believe highly in reincarnation. This is because your time line of being "punished" isn't done yet. Reason to why most people (or spirits/souls) find reincarnation suffering, because it is normally put in situation where we are being reincarnated in a chain sort of thing. We, Chinese (lol), do not get reincarnated but of only once in our lives, it comes in a chain of years. Some can go up to 400 years of being reincarnated (scary thought huh?) I for one, have a feeling that my time isn't done yet (call it gut feeling if you want haha). But I also highly believe if I could do some thing to help myself redeem my years of incarnating, I will be completely swept off from hell and sent straight to heaven (o.o).

I believe that I am here for a reason and not to just live in this pitiful world where poverty still strikes and where people still have children as slaves and prostitude. I believe I am here to help that certain someone (which I think I have found) to change this world to become a better place to be. I believe I am here to help. I am not here to just sit and wait for my death and let myself being sentenced to another life of reincarnating, no. Even so, I know I am here this lifetime to help out someone of transceding personality to get his/her job done. I know I am here for some reason and not just to live, but to go MAD (heh..Make A Difference).

Perhaps I am still young to do such things, but I know for sure, one day, we will make this world a better place. Make a place where poverty is over and done, where children can come out to live happily without fearing those who they are working for, and where children can come out and play without fearing a bomb having to fall on their very heads and homes (my gosh). Children should have the rights to speak up, that is where we come in. We are all soon-to-be young adults and we are the ones who can make a change to this inhumane world where adult abuses their power for money. Geez..Nonsensical motha f-ers.

War. Another stupid thing that I don't believe still happening in this time and world frame. We are in the 21st century people, my gosh, wake up already. You politicians want to fight about something, bring it to the big house and not to those innocent beings who just want to live. Give them a chance to live, even in poverty, even in the most poorest way of living, they still just WANT to live. Poor things. War won't settle anything (and to think politician can think). Fight fire with fire, and you will get more fire from the ones you've just just set, even by using a single match stick. (sigh) poor innocent people. They are suffering for God damn no reason just because one country hates another. Gosh.

Anyways, this is just my point-of-view. It was not meant to point fingers. haha. I am still very much young. Honestly I'm only 18 turning 19 in a month's time. haha. It's just that sometimes, these nonsense just bugs me because it is all unnecessary. haha. Nonsense. Alrites then, I'm out of here. Have fun everyone ;)

LaneHoz wants to change the world
*chuckles*