Dreams...garh!

Have you ever encounter a dream so real that when you're in it, you feel like the world has just stopped for you, that everything else does not matter, just to wake up finding that it was just a dream?..Well, I'm sure you have. I know I have a couple of times, and I just did again just now. Everything seemed so hopeful at that one moment, that second but, it was just a dream. Funny thing was that my dreamed just now, worked two way. I dreamt that I was dreaming. It is crappy enough that we realise it was just a dream but, realising it and, freaking out that it was just a dream in our dreams? Let me tell you..It's torturous.

But ahh..I guess it's good when it lasted. My dream left me in cloud nine, but also gave me a huge slap in the face when I realise it was a dream. What more freaking out in my dream?..I guess good things don't happen just like that. sighs...

Anyways, my dream was me dreaming (swt) I fell in love with this guy named erm..Kevin, I think. It sounded like Kevin...lol. Anyways, he was the man, and i mean THE man of my dreams. He isn't all perfect, but he was heaven for me. I remembered how he looked like anywhere..He had broad shoulders, real sensitive eyes, he's tall and sort of buffed. He had the most gorgeous hair, and the most sexy lips. His hand fits in mine perfectly, and he constantly showered me with his surprises. So one day, he gave my mum (yeah i know...swt) a ring, and asked her to give it to me. He didn't want to give it to me himself 'coz he knows I was expecting something from him. So instead, he passed it to my mum to hand it to me (and no, it wasn't a wedding ring but just a gift. though it felt like a wedding ring..lol) So when my mum handed me that ring, I got soo..ahhh..I don't know how to describe that feeling. I was literally floating on cloud nine when I held that ring in my hands. I got really excited, and decided to phone Charlene up. She was the FIRST person that popped into my mind (looks like you matter to me the most even in my dreams..lol), but I woke up, in my dream, holding the phone while staring at his picture. It wasn't the best picture of him though..And yeah, I actually thought of that in my dream..lol.

I woke up in my dream, saying to myself, "it was just a dream??.." Then, I began to freak out because it felt SO REAL! I remembered me saying, "how can that be a dream? everything was so in place...it even gave me hope.." I think I know why I'm saying that, but just to be sure, I'll first find out. lol. Anyways, I was freaking out so badly that I even crashed my car, and got a ticket from the police. A 500bucks ticket! o.O And I remembered it was near the roads where the first U-Turn from ZooView. I felt so empty...Then, I really woke up. I felt even emptier! Crappy, empty, shitty, hopeless....everything..garh!

ARGH! I hate a two-way dream..It makes me feel crappier than usual. Garhh!! Anyways, I'm out. Gotta shower then head for dinner. Take care all, and have a nice night...

Imperfection = Perfection .......in the eyes of another

You know, there's so many imperfection in life. I guess that's what makes the world go round. Someone once said, "nothing is perfect". I don't know by who, and I don't bother on finding out as well haha. Anyways, what I wanna say is that, in life, nothing is perfect. We shouldn't try to be perfect. That would just makes it more flawed than it already was. We should all remain ourselves, and try our best in everything we can.

Sometimes, being perfect isn't all good. It makes life so boring. Literally. Life just require a bit of flaw to make it perfect. We are perfect the way we originally are, not for who we try to be. Trying to be perfect would just make you imperfect, while being yourself, would be perfect in the eyes of another. You might not know. If we all fake ourselves, who would believe the real person that we have deep, down inside that is bound to come out one day? Questions, questions, questions..

Anyways, I dead tired. lol. I'm outta here. Ciaos..

hms

She is now stepping out of that shell that have kept her in for long time. It is time to let go of her love, for another. It's time to move forward, and leave the mended ones behind. Her heart was once held in the hands of a beautiful angel, but now, it is in the hands of herself. Not knowing what to do or how to react, she threw her heart away leaving her heartless. How she wish she could leave her heart behind. But she picked it up anyways, held it in her own hands, and walked alone..Couldn't let go, she walked alone. 

the need to rebel

can someone tell me what is going on in my mind? can someone remind me i'm not left behind? can you carry me once again, and let me know that this is all just an imaginary pain? i am lost all over again, and i need you to guide me to the light of eternal forgiveness..take me away for i need a breather, a great need to discover. can't take no more of this rebellious side that is inside of me, waiting to seed itself. remind me once again that i'm not alone, that i'm still the person you run to..for i have started letting myself go into the deepest sea of sins..

Angels - Within Temptation

i love this song..lol


Sparkling angel I believed
You were my saviour in my time of need.
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear
All the whispers, the warnings so clear.
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door.
There's no escape now,
No mercy no more.
No remorse cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they'd turn into real.
You broke your promise and made me realise.
It was all just a lie.

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.
Fallen angel, tell me why?
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?

I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
No mercy no more
No remorse cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart

You took my heart,
deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they'd turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realise.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

This world may have failed you,
It doesnt give you reason why.
You could have chosen a different path in life.

The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they'd turn into real.
You broke your promise and made me realise.
It was all just a lie.

Half-way through.

I am halfway through my mid-term exams now. Did Study Skills and nailed Computing Principles..It wasn't as hard as I expected. Oh wells. lol. That now, leaves me with one last paper, on Friday. Joy..lol

next in line : Intermediate English 

Within Temptation Fiesta!

I LOVE THIS VIDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love the concept, and the bright and dark side!! ooooo.. Though when she moves around, it made her quite weird to look at. But argh! I'm falling for her voice! And she's hot too! To me anyways. Especially when she's in the black dress...oooo.....Anyways, enjoy.

Within Temptation - The Howling

the current Me song

Within Temptation - All I Need

I'm dying to catch my breath

Oh, why don't I ever learn?

I've lost all my trust

Though I've surely tried to turn it around

Can you still see the heart of me?

All my agony fades away

When you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down

For all I need

Make my heart a better place

Give me something I can believe

Don't tear me down

You've opened the door

Now, don't let it close

I'm here on the edge again

I wish I could let it go

I know that I'm only one step away

From turning around

Can you still see the heart of me?

All my agony fades away

When you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down

For all I need

Make my heart a better place

Give me something I can believe

Don't tear it down,

What's left of me

Make my heart a better place

I tried many times but nothing was real

Make it fade away

Don't break me down

I want to believe that this is for real

Save me from my fear

Don't tear me down

Don't tear me down

For all I need

Make my heart a better place

Don't tear me down

For all I need

Make my heart a better place

Give me something I can believe

Don't tear it down,

What's left of me

Make my heart a better place

Make my heart a better place

Within Temptation's Memories

Screw the bright side, and welcome the dark. For today....I hope..Anyways, enjoy this vid.

Within Temptation - Memories

In this world you tried

Not leaving me alone behind

There's no other way

I prayed to the Gods, let him stay

The memories ease the pain inside

Now I know why

All of my memories keep you near

In silent moments, imagine you'd be here

All of my memories keep you near

Your silent whispers, silent tears

Made me promise I'd try

To find my way back in this life

I hope there is a way

To give me sign you're okay

Remind me again it's worth it all

So I can go home

All of my memories keep you near

In silent moments, imagine you'd be here

All of my memories keep you near

Your silent whispers, silent tears

Together in all these memories

I see your smile

All the memories I hold dear

Darling, you know I'll love you till the end of time

All of my memories keep you near

In silent moments, imagine you'd be here

All of my memories keep you near

Your silent whispers, silent tears

All of my memories

Mid-Term Exam Fiesta

Mid-term exam has finally begun. Started off with Finite Maths. And, god. It didn't go so well. There were 4 questions, and each question carries 8 marks. I can say straight that I have already failed this exam. You know why? Out of 4 question, 3 was answered. So 8marks gone. Out of 3 questions, 1 subquestion was left unanswered, and about 5 was uncertain. Approximately 4 was just plain ol' doing without thinking, and the rest is history. There is only one question with 3 sub-questions I could really answer. Joy! 8 marks to pass my maths. >.< 

Sigh.

Next in line : Study Skills.

I'm out.

Footprints In The Sand

Why does it feel so empty all of a sudden?..I really don't know. I wish I knew though. Anyways, there this one song I find really touching. And it mean a lot to me. It's called, 'Footprints In The Sand' by Leona Lewis. I guess you can say that I am very attached to this song. lol. Anyways, enjoy the song. :D

Footprints In The Sand

You walked with me

Footprints in the sand

And help me understand

Where I'm going

You walked with me

When I was all alone

With so much unknown along the way

Then I heard you say

I promise you

I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair

I'll carry you 

When you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life

Flash across the sky

So many times have I been so afraid

And just when I 

I thought I lost my way

You gave me strength to carry on

That's when I heard you say

I promise you

I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair

And I'll carry you 

When you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand

When I'm weary

Well I know you'll be there

And I can feel you when you say...

I promise you

Oh, I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sadness and despair

Oh, I'll carry you 

When you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand

When your heart is full of sadness and despair

I'll carry you

When you need a fried

You'll find my footprints in the sand...

>.<

My god! So much to do, so little time! *screams* haha! It is now, pilled up once again!

A Super Kick Ass Day!

haha! Lookie, lookie..I'm good all over again! haha! I guess I just needed to be reminded yesterday..ANYWAYSSSssss..........hahaha! I totally KICKED ASS todayyy!!! And heck, I am super happy about it!! hahaha! Weehhooo!

Why do I say so?..haha well, about 3weeks ago, Mrs Chua said to our class, "you must find an ARTICLE regarding the ENVIRONMENT for your next oral presentation". Like every other students in the class, I, too gave her the *gaspp!* look. haha. For weeks, I've been holding onto this, lousy article, I found online. (It has something to do with global warming. haha) I tried to understand that stupid, good-for-nothing article, but my brain just refuses to have any information of it stored in me! (I think it was because there were no conclusion to that article, which made me thought that it was rather stupid to be presenting it to the class. haha!)

A few days ago, well, 2days ago to be exact haha, I went out with Lena for dinner because her parents had to go somewhere, and she was left with no dinner. haha. (i freaking took the public transport all the way to Summit! swts..LOL!) Anyways, when we decided to return home, obviously we have to take the bus. So while waiting, I randomly popped up a topic regarding saving the paper. (haha. yes, i know it was random..) I argued here and there about the newspaper, posting articles about saving the environment, when the newspaper company themselves are printing on paper, which also, equals to the killing of trees! haha! It went on for quite a while I think. haha. Then, I mentioned to Lena that I have an oral coming up on Thursday (which is today), but I don't know what to talk about. So she suggested that I use this topic as my oral presentation! What a brilliant idea! haha! Didn't think of that at all! haha! 

So when I got home, as usual, I got lazy to search for the informations about saving paper or anything of that sort. haha :P BUT! I did it last night, and well, you can say that I got it all at the tip my fingers in just one hour! haha! Great mind thinks (only at night....) haha! So, I brought that information that was stored in my head to College the next day.

The whole of today, I was trying to remember what I was supposed to say. I was actually pacing up and down the corridor like nobody's business, jumping here and there to reduce my nervousness, and talking non-stop about some random thing! (I think some people actually thought I was crazy..haha!). 2pm strikes. I heard the sound of my English classmates saying, "it's englishhh!" haha! They all were just saying that to make me even more nervous than I already am haha! Jackasses..lol. So I entered the class. I went to my seat, placed my bag on the half chair, half table..erm chair-table thing...haha!, went to Mrs.Chua, and told her I wanted to go first. haha! The class wasn't full yet, so we had to wait for everyone to come in before I could start. Omgg..The nervousness that was running in me was....UNBEARABLE!! haha! I paced up and down the classroom, in and out of it, and knocking my head to the wall a few times haha! (really i did! hahaha!) And then finallyy........"Okay, you may start now"....*GASP!*

I started off quite shaky, okay, not quite but A LOT! haha! But towards the middle to the end, it was alright! :D And the class clapped for me too! haha! I was surprised! hahaha! Mrs.Chua didn't even say anything about any flaws, no nothing! (normally she would...lol) But, I was just soooooo relieved that it was finally over. haha! I was shit scared like hell! haha!

It was an amazing day. Real awesome! haha! I kicked english oral up the ass, and lovin' it! :D haha! Anyways, I got to go. Dinnerrr! :D Till next time, adios! 

p/s : thank you Lena for that suggestion! it was a real brilliant thought! you are truly a life savior! :D

needing something to hold on to..

argh! this sucks..this really do suck! what the hell am i supposed to do with this stupid emotions of mine?! arghhhhhhhh! i was fine just hours ago, and now, i am fucking depressed and no one is near anywhere for me call or whatever..or unless i think they are busy! argh! whatever! i need to learn to deal with this shit of mine anyways! one way or another! argghhhh! what the freaking helllll!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Cries, cries, cries.....

I AM A HUMAN!!  I AM STILL A HUMANNNN!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! I'm a human..a humannnn.. HUMANNN!!!...A person with flesh and blood plus emotions! Where am I now? What the freaking helll............I feel so god damn lost! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL.....I still needed to be reminded.... x'(

Is Finally Broken!

Haha! Though the title doesn't seem as happy as people would think, but it is! :D haha. I have been thinking lately. Okay, not lately, but just a few moments ago. haha! I thought, it is good to let the ones we love go for the better of things. When I say let go, it's not the whole, I don't care or anything of that sort, but letting go in a way that, they can be happy, and so can we. haha. Deep? I know! :D I realised that there is better ways to care and love someone than to just hold on to them. A good friend of mine once said, "to hold on to them when they want to be free, equals to driving them away", and well, yeah, I see the picture now. haha! I felt sooo bad for trying to pull her back again and again the first time I knew about all this. lol. I think you know who you are. haha. ;)

Anyhow, I have embraced it! YEAY ME! :P (though I feel like I'm talking to myself, but it's okay! :D) I just want to let everyone know that, it is okay to be like who I am for a while, but make sure it isn't too long because, no good comes with jealousy. haha. I nearly forgotten about that. That's how terrible things can be. We forget. Reallyy!! haha. After I was reminded about that with a random conversation I had with a good friend of mine (which was OMG! godsent! 'coz out of no where we talked about losing the people we love!), I couldn't think of what's worse; loosing what I have completely or having them with me all the time when they don't want to be. Thoughts like that kept swimming through my head, which made me stone for almost 3days. haha. Things can get better or worse depending on how we, human, want to look at it. haha.

haha. Anyways, I got to go pack dinner for my family now. haha! Till then, toodleloo!

Dumbness Rating. haha!

Okay, these are the rating for being dumb. (by Charlene and not me..haha!)

it's from lowest to highest by the wayyy..haha! :P

1. dumpling (i don't know what and why, but yeah! LOL! )

2. donkey kong (a half donkey, half mad gorilla. People can be creative huh? haha)

3. king kong (from a half donkey and half mad gorilla, to full mad gorilla! it has evolved!! hahahaha!)

And yes, I was being called all that by, yours truly, over there..haha! She kept upgrading me, and degrading me. What kind of nonsense is that?! hahaha! Every time, she calls me dumpling, I feel like eating 'em! arghh! But, haha! No dumpling is the best than the one back in hometown! haha! I so can't wait for the next visit! (which is...erm..NEVER?? haha! Unless Cina New Year laa..which is next yearrrrr! argh!) She is soooo going to tempt me with it everyyytimmmeee! Trust me, I can sense that! hahaha! :P

Anyways, I'm out. Tired as hell! Cheerio! 

Realisation!

Today is officially the happiest day of MY LIFEEE!!! I realised so many things! It's really amazing how a simple thought can make you realise such a big thing in your life! Oh my goshhh!! haha!

Anyways, I want to personally thank all my friends to be there for me! Though I have been really blind, and rather too stubborn to admit that you all are around, but I assure you, it wasn't intentional! haha! I was to blinded to see it all. I guess I was too caught up with the darkside haha! Stupid, ridiculous darkside! haha! At least now, I know that I am not going to be alone! I thought I was for a while. I forgotten that they existed there, ready to assist. I forgotten the care and love they have for me. I forgot! haha! I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, how could I? But, as usual, shit happens, and it blinds us all! haha! 

I thank you ALLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You all know who you areee!! haha! I would dieeeee without any of you! You guys are my light! omg! I'm soooooo thankful right nowwww!! haha! :D And happy nonetheless! :D 

hahahha! yeay! Anyways, I'm outta here! haha! See you all latersss! :D

...

What can I say?..Nothing.

I...

Floating on the sea far away from home, she looked up to the skies above her. She sees the same sky I stare at every night, back when life was simple. She stared at the beautiful night sky, where she and I once wished for a brighter star. As she drifted further than she was supposed to be, she felt a slight chill. The cold, cold breeze was blowing ever so calmly, as she let herself drift far into the distance. She remembered all like it was just yesterday, when we only have each other for all the world's weight to be lifted. We gave each other hope, care and most of all, love. Now that I'm gone, she told me that she has an undirected path for her emotions. It has no where to be channeled to, it has no where to go, and it has no life. Oh, how she wished she knew sooner. 

Days went by. She dread everyday like how people feared Amargeddon. Day by day, I am slowly going away, and because of that, she is slowly dying inside. She is happy for me, and she is overjoyed. But, the thought of losing me, killed her. Though we did promised each other that we won't abandon one another, but she said she is emotionally imbalance without me. I was the one she constantly ran to when she's down, when she's sad, when she's frustrated, and even when she's happy. But, she said that it just seems so difficult now. She know I said that I am not going anywhere, but, she claimed that it is never that simple. 

She fell for my empathy. She fell for my constant problems. Now that she know she is not the only one, she broke down. She leeches onto my sorrows for her joy. Talking to me, whether it is about my problems or hers, is the only way she could be happy. But, now, she is not going to be the person that I constantly run to anymore. She is not going to be the one who I will go to when I'm sad anymore. She could not take it.

Still drifting far away from home, she stopped and listened. The sea breeze, the wind blowing, and the sound of her sinking into the water. It was quiet, real quiet; so, so quiet, and then...She disappeared.

-just wanted to write a freaking sad story to match my mood for the day.

Another piece, FOUNDed!

I found another piece of me! haha. I realised that things aren't as bad as I always like to think. swt. haha. It's nice to know that sometimes, it is okay to be a human. It is not wrong, and is definitely not a sin. I know I can be pretty vulnerable. Okay, not pretty, but a lot. I can be pretty, damn vulnerable. Stupid self-esteem of mine is never active. haha. BUT! I know what I want in life now. haha. For now at least. I guess that's good enough. Don't ya think? ;) 

Letting go of people I dear the most hurts like fuck, but then again, it has it's own benefits too! I can be happy. haha. Though happiness was said to be temporary (Vonfucious??...haha), but I at least can be happy for that moment, and cherish it. haha. Leeching onto people's emotions for mine is silly as hell! I know it's stupid and it will give nothing but more trouble, but, if that's the only thing that makes me happy, why must I?..haha. At least now, I can make sure they are happy too! I can tryy....I don't want to be those typical psychologists that goes ; "are you okay" & "how do you feel about that" kinds. haha. It's soooo dead..haha. So, I'm working towards the talking kinds. I hope I can succeed. GOAL babyyyyy...haha. 

Anyways, just for the random announcement, and also to share my current excitement, I just wanna say....

I found my OWN SonG! whheeee!

hahaha! It's Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. I listened to it today, and realised it just now itself. haha. I lazy wanna explain why here, but I'm sure to tell to those who I want to tell later on, in MSN hahahha! OK! I'm done! Adios! Take care to all readers and bloggers!