Lyrics of a song

Whenever You Remember - Carrie Underwood

When you look back on times we had
I hope you smile
And know that through the good and through the bad
I was on your side when nobody could hold us down
We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far
And no they won't forget

Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

When you think back on all we've done
I hope you're proud
When you look back and see how far we've come
It was our time to shine
And nobody could hold us down
They thought they'd see us fall
But we, we stood so tall
And no we won't forget

Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far
You know that we, we showed them all
And no they won't forget

Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

fall for you

currently listening to : fall for you by secondhand serenade

i have nothing to say..

all i want is just a peace of mind

and that is no where near me..

so far away from me..

i'm so lost, lost of direction

i don't know where to head towards,

i don't know who to listen to..

so for now, i will just hold my breath

and continue living..

Scratched Memory

Have you ever feel so close, but yet so far away? As if like you're almost there, but there is just something holding you back at where you are; somewhat stuck. In this parallel world, we live a double life. As human as we all tend to be, we also tend to divert from what we are, leaving us to become the inner demons that makes us nothing but much more vulnerable than we already are. We are fragile beings who constantly strive for love, attention and most of all, passion. We grow out of our passion for things we love and change our interests to something less memorable because we fear the memory might haunt us in the near future. Oh, sweet, subtle, calming voice, why must you leave this very vulnerable heart? I feared the day, and the day had come its way. Been trying hard to stay real strong, been trying real hard to not think of it, but sooner or later, it'll come back and haunt my very memory - this last bit of my memory..

i'm still dreading the day,

but there's nothing i can say.

living with a mask on my face,

with hopes that will soon fade..

Just when...

Just when you think you've escape from what you are actually thinking, it bounces right back and haunt you like there's no tomorrow..

We can never escape our thoughts. As much as we try to, as much as we want to, we just cannot. We, as humans, believe what we want to believe, and leave reality at the sidelines - slowly waiting its chance to slap our faces in public. It sucks if you put it that way, but it's true. I thought I could runaway from my very own thoughts, and guess what? It did not happen. Right now, I really wish I did not hear what I've heard. I have yet to digest that thought into my head, or refusing to let it happen, rather. I'm denying real hard that it will, or might happen, in this case. I know what's the outcome of thinking about this, and well, I don't like it one bit.

I just hope everything goes well in the future..

A Sudden Shiver

Fate - What is Fate?
Is fate something imaginary? Is it something that determines our future? Or is it just a mere belief? Well, one thing's for sure, we can never escape fate.

Oh yes, how well we know it. Reality sure bites when you don't want them to be. Just when you thought that you could escape from fate, think again; it is bound to come back searching for you. It's kinda scary if you think of it. I'm sure you all have watched the show 'Final Destination', well, relate that to this. We just can't escape fate and whatever fate wants to put us through. Yeah, it is down right, annoying. Not to mention upsetting as well.

Yes, I have my reasons on why I said so, which will not be mention. But yeah, like I said, we cannot escape our fate. Fate is like a vicious circle, just like how life is to us. A circle. Kind to think of it, everything is a circle. See it at my point of view for a moment. Now, think out of the box and use everything you can as an example of circle, like a song! It goes in circle. Movies, roads, directions, words, sentences, and even thoughts. It all runs in a circle, and all for one reason - to send out messages.

Anyways, as I was saying, fate is something that no one can escape. It somehow determines our future (cursed damn fate). Some say that fate brings the people in our lives together, like how friends were to meet one another, but yet, others says that fate is nothing, and that fate is just another excuse used. Does this mean this 'fate' is imaginary? Oh, wouldn't we want to find out. Questions, questions and more questions.

Fate..How I wish I could punch it straight in the face. It has caused so many people so much depression. But of course, happiness as well.

"If fate and time persist, we shall meet again and then maybe start our little game"

pfft...fate.

over and out
LaneHoz

The Song of A Little Bird

OMG! IT'S ALREADY THE END OF THE YEAR!! T.T

I don't believe it's the end of the year already. It seems like just yesterday the first day of the second sem just started, and everyone in English class was so awkward to talk to one another haha! ^^ But look at us now! We have gone way far and God knows what will happens next. aih..I'm gonna miss Mrs.Chua..She's my beloved Intermediate as well as my Advanced English lecturer. She was one heck of a lecturer! She thought me every small detail about essay writing! And guess what?! I scored them nicely! :D But awh..She's retiring after this semester :( We will all miss her dearly; I will miss her dearly. Actually, I already do...lol.

Anyways, this semester had so many things going on. Gossips, rumours, etc. uish...Terrible I tell you haha. College life has just begun when I went into second sem. It was horrible. All the colours, all the dramas, omgg! >.< Can't take it mann..LOL!

I manage to meet a lot of new people in this sem, and got close with a few old ones as well as distant away from some. haha. They're the bomb la I tell you. haha. One of the new peeps i met and is AWESOME-shit is kimberly and phui mun! LOL! I tell you man, they're crazzzeeeee! KERAZY! LOL! Besides that, there's Arinah, Vick, Bryan, Lok Ming, CY! and Chris!!! LOL! I love Chris la..He's such a joker! :D Awesome, AWESOME people! LOL!

And bout people I got close is none other than, haha, Rachel!! haha. Yao Rachellllll!! LOL! It was soooo fun to play her siblings and going to her place for dinner! haha. Awesome cooking btw. :D

haha. It was all great. I hope it will stay this great for the thrid sem. ;)

Anyways, it's already 2am, better get to bed. Toodles.

uhh..update.

Okay. Time to come back to my blog. lol. So, what's been happening was nothing much. Though I have been losing what I should feel. lol. Weird, but yeah. I really don't know what to write man..guess that's it for now.

Layin' It Off

I'm going to be gone for a while. Gone from the online world. I thought it's the time to set my mind back to its course so yeah..I'll be gone for a while.

I'm psyched about friday.

Death

So yeah...I've been wondering what is it like to actually experience death. Is it like how everyone said it was - the whole "your life will flash right before your eyes..." thing? Or is it just a long, long sleep in pitch black darkness? Well, I for one cannot tell. I can't for sure say that I believe in God, I can't for sure give anyone an answer that there is such thing as Heaven and Hell, but one thing's for sure, death is certain, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Death. Recently, by that I meant last night (lol), I dreamt that I had a near death experience. What came right before my eyes was a quick flash back. It was not like the whole flash backs of your life thing, but more like a fast recap of the recent happenings. It's kinda like showing to yourself how you died. It was really absurd.

White was the only colour around me at that time, and those quick recaps, doesn't seem to have any motives of being there at all. It was going at the speed of lightning, and I barely saw anything. All I saw was the colour of people's skin, and the colour white and blue as if I was in a hospital. Even though I can't really see anything, I heard voices; voices from those who I love oh, so very much, and some fainted screams at the background. The surrounding of the recaps was very hectic, and I felt so tensed watching them.

After all those hectic moments, I was somehow awake from my death. Not long after, someone in white approached me and said.."you had a near death experience". I looked at him wanting to ask what happen and I woke up from my sleep. It was all so weird. I woke up feeling rather weirded out and somewhat crappy. lol..

oh wells. It was all just a dream. lol. Still rather weirded out though..alrights. I'm outta here.

Time For A Move!

Not very long from now, I took a few minutes to browse through my older blogs. Not posts, but older blogs haha. (yes i have more than just one..) From what I've noticed, my English language have evolved throughout the years. haha. My English in my very first blog, which is the one in xanga, was T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E! Not to mention terrible with a capital 'T'. It was so bad that even you can't stand it. Seriously. I felt dumified after reading it. haha. It was really terrible..

Then, came along Friendster, a site where everyone was crazy over back in the days (i was too, if i may say so myself :) ). When Friendster was the hit back then, blogs were just starting its thing. So when blogs got really popular among the Internet world, Friendster decided to add that lil' application in. Oh, man was everyone psyched about it. heh..And of course, being the Internet addict that I am, I too created an account for the blog in Friendster. :)

(not to be braggy but...) When I read a few post in my Friendster blog, I find that my English there isn't all bad. It was quite good if you ask me. :) Then, it took me back to how I am in the present (which is now), I wondered to myself, how come my English had went down the drain? Goodness me...

I realised that it's a time for a move. I need to polish on my English language once again. It had been long abandoned, and now I will restart it again. No more fooling around. haha. I will try whatever it is to regain my former English knowledge.

heh. alrights. i'm done and outta here.

uncertainty.

stuck in between both worlds, sleeping but yet awake, cautious but yet blur. time after time, choices were made. from here to there, from there to here. wishes were made, promises were broken. every direction leads the light away. standing in front of a signboard that says lost and broken, where should one actually go?

toodles.

i thought

i thought i was your shelter,
i thought i was your truth.
i thought you would remember that i'll be there,
i guess i've expected too much from you.

i thought i was your wings,
i thought i was your saviour.
i guess i was lost in my dreams,
when you said i was the one you favour..

flash backs.

I came across this really, really, REALLY old song I used to hear back in the days. And well, it kind of brought me back to when I was 15 years old, back when I am just starting my journey of self discovery. I remember everything just like it was yesterday... Sitting outside at the hallway, with the lights off and the computer on. Chatting online, using a cheap, big and colourless phone, and sulk myself to depression as everyone was away from home. Depended on my friends for love and care, and gave them everything I had in me to repay them for their deeds. Afraid, fearful, vulnerable, timid, and quiet was I back in the days. Crying myself to sleep, crying myself to everything there is. Alone and have no way of expressing myself because of a terrible trust issue.

ah...i miss the old days. i dont miss who i was, but i miss how things were..

loves.

the song.

as the music played, she continued her dance to freedom. dancing and dancing, releasing every emotion she had in her. she let her mind drift as her body swing back and forth to the music. oh, how graceful she was. wearing white with nothing but just the shine of the moon shining down right at her, she followed the known steps and eventually, creating steps of her own. dancing round and round she went. she was the only one who was there. in her reality, everything is a fraud, but her fantasy is a world filled with life. she danced to the moonlight, with her eyes closed shut. her movement was ever so graceful that even the most graceful ballet dancer could not match her. daning and dancing was the only thing she was doing; even though in her mind, but she could feel everything. the pain, the sorrow, the song.

beautiful mess.

with the song beautiful mess playing, she continued her way on finding out the truth. searching deep in her to let go of that tiny catalyst that started this crazy dilemma. comparing and compromising was the only thing she kept doing, and oh how she wishes she dont have to. walking along the road where no one had been before, she wandered off with her filled so many things, going back and forth, trying to destroy her from deep down and within. oh, what have she done to deserve such confusion. she tried to let things slip from her mind, but thoughts tend to always find their way back in again.

such confusion, such dilemma, such craziness, is slowly growing on her. this is a mess. this is a beautiful mess.

the greatest of stories.

the greatest of story ever told were the stories which has great characters and a great storyline. the stories may not end like what we all hoped for, but it is great that way. just like songs, stories too have its own meaning.

"in the arms of the angels, fly away from here. from this dark cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear.."

-angel, sarah mclachlan-

it's easier to believe the words of songs or stories rather than finding it in real life. to have the right song play, at the right time, sounds like a great thing to have. and in fact, it is..it's like a temporary miracle that was sent to us..

anyways, i have exams later. i hope i can do it. i'm not the in the mood for it, but i have to. oh wells. take care all. god bless.

therefore...

"music is my passion. passion is my drive. drive is my motivation. therefore, i'll live"

how i wish it is that simple. if you notice that sentence properly, in terms of Critical Thinking Skills, this sentence is invalid; therefore, this is bad argument and is unrepairable. haha. lol.

life is nothing but piece of crap. the word 'life' is everyone's favourite word to use, to tell people something. whether or not it is to say something bad, which will go something like this;

"this is life, it is bad whether we like or not"

or to say something good;

"ah life! you're so beautiful that i can kiss you a million times!"

(lol. that sounded frenchie..)

it is just words put together to send a message through. nonsense, is what i call life as, plain nonsense. we live our everyday thinking life has more to offer us, but have you ever thought that life is just a state of mind? geez. as if life can give you everything in the world. we still need to work for it, we still whoop our asses off for cash, so answer me; what have life given you? geez.

to be honest, i think we live by our own. we work hard, we earn, we live! now that's life. it isn't always all happy and everything is going to be okay..it is more of a, if you can, you can! if you can't, sayonara, you're dead unless you are willing to get your ass up and work your way up to the top. it's a dog-eat-dog world, so we gotta step up and show people who we are, and that we stand on a firm ground.

of course, we need some backups so that we don't feel so crappy when we fall. friends, to me are the best. they're the best thing ever that God has ever created! (though it should be my parents, but....erm..well..yeah) friends are the only thing you need when your world is at the edge of the world. they somehow can manage to bring you back, and revive you. (eventhough they're litterally slapping us back to reality....) i love them oh so much.

"without friends, there won't be joy"

(yes, i am quoting myself. i am bored so i've decided to quote)

anyhow, living this 'life' is a torture. painful, but sweet. ah. bittersweet moments. >.< i think i've mention a few time in my previous posts. don't quite remember. anyways, take care all. i'm outta here.

what a waste of time.

there is something we all fear,
something that will make us shed tears.
is it true that this world is broken,
that everything was just left forsaken?

maybe it is your eyes that gave you away,
the look that says, "everything is okay".
but in actual fact, nothing is that easy,
just like those couples who are god damn cheesy.

in denial is what they are,
with the mentality of thinking far.
future is yet to come,
so why worry, have some fun!

geez, i'm so pissed at people,
maybe it's time to make more ripples.
water, water, water, and water,
yes, i'm getting bored and my mind was left to wander.

yea, yea, yea, this is a complete nonsense,
i tried occupy myself as this candle burns.
pretty, if you stare at it for a long time,
if only i can have a glass of wine.

gosh, this is pointless,
oh well, this is already meaningless.
time to leave as i am already crapping,
sayonara to all who's reading!

bare with my randomness...i wanted to write a poem, but haha..we all know what happened there! ;)

a beating heart

as the rain falls in this cold weather,
there is almost a glimpse of hope.
whether we were left to stand or to wonder,
i'm sure there isn't anything we cannot cope.

so...another day had gone by yet again. which means, another page of this incomplete chapter had written itself down. beautiful yet bitter, sweet yet sour. in other words, bittersweet. this book of life has no ending to it. no one knows exactly when it ends. the magic of striving for the next step brings us closer to the future, and more pages of the previous unfavoured memories were burnt without realization. we strive to be more than what we are, strive for power, for love, for attention, as well as for truth. these motivations takes us out of that little shell that we live in, and make us discover the true meaning of life.

"when i close my eyes i can see, the spotlight are bright on you and me.."

-so she dances, josh groban-

what we are now is a bunch of curious people, demanding and searching for the light. our beating heart can only take so much, can only breathe so much, so why we tend to do more than what we can? why the extra effort just to find out that we are doing is hurting us and the people around us? well, what can i say..we want the best for everyone around us. we can't get everything our way, but hoping that one day, all this would work out, kinda makes it a whole lot easier to breathe. humanitarians, is what we are, but why oh why we do the things we do..i guess we see the after effect of the pain and suffering. there is no need to put ourselves at top priority, just as long as the people around us is fine, we are fine. it's weird, but it happens.

"yes, we all love the craziness that is happening around us. as much as we say we hate it, we still live and breathe the drama around us. without realizing, we are slowly learning to adapt to it, and eventually learnt to favour it. look at it this way, at least our effort will one day be worth it"

sometimes, we do this for the better. i don't exactly know what we are thinking but, hey, what we're doing, it is good thing to do. ;) take care all.

Angels.

okay..so i have not been blogging recently. lol. was way too caught up with my own drama. haha. you know..things has been going all smooth and well, that i can't believe my eyes. my eyeballs are popping out! lol. alright. so what have happened? well..

there's nothing much basically. haha. been having exams here and there, and i tell you, it will kill us one day. ;P for the past several weeks, i have been sending my friend, rachel, back home from college. and haha, the car rides, it was fun! not to mention tiring. lol.

have you ever wonder why we are fated to meet the people in our life?

well, i have. i don't exactly know what God is planning. haha. no one knows for sure now ain't it now? lol. i know for a fact that, we are the ones walking and talking, and that we have choices that binds us to who we meet. we can choose to not talk to that one person, but somehow, there's something about that person that draws us to them. i call it vibe. i don't know about you though ;)

when a person feels that they have a need to approach a certain person, they will try to approch them at all cost. weird thing is, after they do, they becomes friends, and that is where another new chapter begins. that brings me back to my original question;
"why we are fated meet the people in our life?"

well, there is no definite answer for this, but i can tell you what i think! :)

what i think is that, our life is like an unwritten book. it is up to us whether we want to create a new chapter from the previous ones or..stick to it like glu and stay in that, what i call as, "the safe zone". we are here to make a difference. as a good friend of mine once said;

"go out of your safe zone, and you'll discover the grass is greener on the other side"

so yeah. i did, and look at where i am now. i am a more happier person (at least i would like to think i am ;] )

though, i am very glad i know the people in my life. :) i have friends who are like family, and they mean the world to me. i dont have to state out who are those people, but you know who you are. thanks to you all, my world is lite up with purrrrty lights and candles. :) love you all.

the tagged victim >.<

Lucky Curtain #1 - charlene anne lee
Lucky Curtain #2 - nicholas stewart yeoh
Lucky Curtain #3 - chou ee von
Lucky Curtain #4 - catherine koh
Lucky Curtain #5 - saw

1. How did you meet 1?

- in high school. will never forget those times =]

2. On a scale of 1 - 10, how would you rate your friendship with 1?

- beyond that. we're practically sisters. =]

3. How long have you known 4?

- for 4 years now. lol.

4. How do you know number 3?

- in high school as well =]

5. Where's 5?

- at home. probably sleeping. lol.

6. A fact about number 1?

- awesome person.

7. Who is 4 going out with?

- saw.

8. What does 1 do for a living?

- she's still a student. plannin' to teach kids though. =]

9. Would you live with number 3?

- why not? lol.

10. What do you like about number 2?

- the will power.

11. Do you miss number 5?

- i guess haha

12. Would you make out with number 4?
- erm...>.<>

13. What's your opinion on number 2?

- cool and steady person. a bit hot tempered, but it's fine.

14. What's your favourite memory with number 5?

- lol. erm..

15. What will you do if number 1 and 2 were going out?

- ehem, ehem (let me clear my throat for this..) ehem....
aaaaaaHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAaaaaaaa
never and impossible.

16. Ever had a long conversation with 5?

- i think i have..not too sure.

17. Have you ever slept at 2's house?

- nopes.

18. Do you hang out with 3 a lot?

- yes...A LOTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha.

19. Who have you known the longest?

- lucky curtain nombor dua! =] 12 years now.

20. What will happen if number 1 and 5 have a relationship?

- LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now that is one heck of a question.

21. How often do you talk to 1?
- alll ttheee ffreaakkiiinnggggg tiimmeeee! and i like it! ;D

22. What about 2?

- haha. the magic of internet, people! ;D

23. Have you ever thought 3 more than a friend?

- aahahahahahahahaaaaaa!

24. Would you go on a date with number 5?

- haha. nah..he's really a good friend of mine.

25. Do you dream about number 2?

- yea. at times.

26. What did no.4 did to you that you can never forget?

- haha. definitely the time when she showed me where the mountain side of bukit antarabangsa is located. =] it was a great outing.

27. What have you done for/to 1 that the person never forgets?

- i guess only she who knows. ;]

28. What's 3's hobby?

- hahahahahahahaaaa! having sex? LOL! picking out chicks? hahaa! erm somewhere along that line.

rawrness!

haha. it has been a while since i posted here. i think it's time to restart. lol.

okay..so, i've been in college for a while now. for almost 5months to be exact. throughout my times being there, i've met a number of people there too! they're great and awesome people. there's, as usual, dalvinder and aavinash. haha. then comes, the 2 shalinis' haha. then shalini's chinese boyfriend, jifatt, and his gang. hahaha! hong yi, vanice, wen hui, kelly, henry, jun yuin, chi mei, xiao wei (sexyphone xD) and all haha. Then there are few others too. haha. ooh! yes, and also, rachel and jeremy. they're the bomb! haha.

so..i think thats it. haha

live high! wheee...take care all.

erm..

who can say for certain, maybe you're still here. i feel you all around me, your memory so close. deep in the stillness, i can hear you speak. you're still my inspiration, can it be?..

that you are mine, forever love; and you are watching me from above.

fly me up to where you are beyond the distant stars; i wish upon tonight to see you smile. if only for a while to know you're there, a breath away's not far to where you are..

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn’t faith believing
All power can’t be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday

’cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

fly me up to where you are beyond the distant stars; i wish upon tonight to see you smile. if only for a while to know you're there, a breath away's not far to where you are..

i know you're there...
a breath away's not far to where you are..

A Song I'm Crazy Over..

Dancing by Elisa

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim
my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone
silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you, around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon
My eyes are on you, they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking

No, I won't step back
but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet
and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh, could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you, around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you, they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists

So I just put my arms around you, around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you, they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
My arms around you, they're around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
They're on you
They're on you
They're on you
My eyes...

Dancing In The River Of Uncertainty

Let us go and make us fly,
fly away from this world that we all live by.
Every cloud we see, and every river we come across,
we would dance on it, as if our rational were lost.
We drift in this land of fantasy denying,
denying the fact we are all slowly dying.
We cover up the truth with our ignorance,
thinking one day it would become an act disappearance.
Oh, how naive we were,
to not try and face this puppy fear.
"Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder", as one used to say,
what cruelty have we done back in the days?
Oh, who know what He had planned for us,
and what comes second or what comes first.
Let's just ride with the winds tonight,
And be free from all this lights...

Erm...Survey..thingy. haha

Rules:
1. tag 10 ppl (not the one who sent it to you!)
2. answer all truthfully
3. take it in public!
4. tell all tagges on their profile that they have been tagged.

---------------------------------------------

Info
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[ ] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different colour.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair colour.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[ ] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[x] I'm in school
[ ] I have a job
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[x] I failed more than 1 class last year
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

Embarrassment
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[x] I was born with a disease/impairment
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor's office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[ ] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I've had measles

Traveling
[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I've seen a shooting star.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pyjamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[ ] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.
[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I regularly drink.
[x] I've passed out from drinking.
[x] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed.
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[ ] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily. You ask me a question I'm most likely going to answer it.
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[ ] I bake well.
[ ] My favourite colour is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[ ] I've worn pyjamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun
[ ] I am in love with love.
[x] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering names.
[x] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] All of those are answered honestly.


p/s: I do not plan on tagging anyone 'coz it's sorta pointless, so yeah. I won't haha. This is just for fun. If you want to do it, go ahead and do it haha.

Let's Just Breathe

Things has been going downhill for the past few days. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with whatever I have, just that, it doesn't feel as appealing as it used to be. My mind is constantly thinking and that honestly, drives me mad. I don't know what's going on, and I don't know what exactly I'm feeling. All I know is that I am still here, alive. I guess all we can do is just breathe..And stay alive.

The Unheard Whisper

What seems like a whisper, may not be a whisper. It may contain the most of heart felt emotion, but is put into words. This may not seem important to the person who's listenin' to the message, but it could mean the world to the person who's delivering the words. Sometimes, even words cannot describe how one is feeling, therefore they say it in the most softest tone ever, hoping and wishing those are the right words. Thus, it is called a whisper.

It is often when a whisper is not heard. But it also isn't always said. Listen carefully and you will hear what it is meant. Listen deep with your heart, the whisper of your heart, and then only you will catch the tears of love.

timetable

erm yeah. here's my coming timetable err thingy..

Monday
9:30 - 11:00 - Advanced English
12:30 - 2:00 - Critical Thinking Skills
3:30 - 5:00 - Introduction to Human Communications
5:00 - 6:30 - Malaysian Studies

Tuesday
11:00 - 12:30 - Advanced English
12:30 - 2:00 - Critical Thinking Skills
3:30 - 5:00 - Finite Mathematics

Wednesday
8:00 - 9.30 - Introduction to Human Communications
11:00 - 12:30 - Finite Mathematics

Thursday
12:30 - 2:00 - Finite Mathematics
2:00 - 3:30 - Advanced English
3:30 - 5:00 - Introduction to Human Communications
5:00 - 6:30 - Malaysian Studies

Friday
8:00 - 9:30 - Critical Thinking Skills

busy, busy schedule..>.<.

The Rain

The rain. What seemed so simple, reminds me of every waking moment in my life. I can't explain the feeling I am feeling right now, but it sure feels good. When I glanced out the window, watching the rain fall everywhere, I felt a rush of nostalgia. It almost feels like I've been there before. I've seen my life pass me by, people fade away, hearts broken, but those things doesn't surprise me anymore. It is what we all will face. I guess, we all got to just live and let go. lol. Anyways, I'm outta here.

A Tale Of Two Stories

What seems like an illusion, isn't an illusion. 'A Tale Of Two Stories" they all said. "Nothing but myth!" It may seems like a fictional fairytale, but fairytale do exists, just not as happy and sweet as we would've thought. A tale of two stories..2 people of different life, but in the same lifetime with the same tie and bond.

I honestly don't know what I am writing. haha.

The Art Of The Heart.

I know I can't promise you, I know I can't determine what happens in the future, but I can assure you one and only one thing..Whatever happens, wherever I am, I assure you that I will be there. I will never ever leave you alone, stranded just like that. It is something I will never do. I know at one point of our lives we are bound to face separation, but till then, I'll just smile at you and say, screw life and its consequences. lol. Take my word for it. I will be there through the storm in the sea, through the heavy rain, and also whether you like it or not! haha. Life is a real funny thing...lol. It's already funny how we found each other. Who would've known that we would go so far with just a plain "I heard you're in the same class.." at first? lol. I know now, I can't live without you. I can, but not too long. I will actually die. lol. It's so weird how we are fated to meet. You know, I have actually pictured how it would like if I didn't know you, if I didn't have you in my life..And trust me, I don't like it one bit haha. lol. All in all, I am glad to have you in my life. So, so glad. Thank you my dear friend, my dear sister. =)

An Addictive Drug

I have been so addicted to this song!! haha. Love it so much.

Maybe - Secondhand Serenade

Didn't you want to hear
The sound of all the places we could go
Do you fear
The expressions on the faces we don't know
It's a cold hard road when you wake up
And I don't think that I
Have the strength to let you go

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

There goes my ring
It might as well have been shattered
And I'm here to sing
About the things that mattered
About the things that made us feel alive for oh so long
About the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

And someday, I promise I'll be gone
And someday, I might even sing this song
To you, I might even sing this song, to you
And I was crying alone tonight
And I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
So just come back we'll make it better
So Just come back I'll make it
Better than it ever was

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

Opened Eyes

Words can't even describe how content I'm feeling right at this moment. lol. Sometimes, just when you're on the edge, thinking you're gonna fall, someone pops in front of you and save your freaking ass from falling down. For some reason, I'm feeling like that at this moment. The only difference is, I wasn't falling down, but have fallen down. lol. All I can is...I love today... =]

RandoM! lol

Oh! I'm oh so addicted to Secondhand Serenade! Love their old album! haha. This is just a random post, so deal with me. haha. I've been in love with songs lately and also coffee! It gives me a rush of ... something..haha. Don't quite know how to describe it haha. Oh wells. I'm outta hereee!

Swimming Through Memory Lane

Time had gone by so fast. It seems like just yesterday when I first step into reality. My memories almost brought me back to who I was before I met the real meaning of life. I missed being that person, that selfless, optimistic, shy, cautious, kind, giving and most of all, loving person. I mean, I still am, but it isn't the same as it used to be. I am now, being tied down by what they call as the cruelty of life. It was said that I should be more cold, more mean, so that I don't have to suffer next time when I step into the bigger picture. I have changed for the future, but slowly, I am losing my past (if you know what I mean)..lol. I actually did not realise it. I thought that I am still the same, but right now that I have compared, it is actually different. lol. (now I know what you mean when you say you miss the old me..lol) I sure miss it too. lol. Anyways, I'm out of here. May God bless all of you. Toodles. ;)

The White Phantom

Your shadow lingers in my thoughts. Your mysterious voice stayed by my ears, taunting and haunting me every night. I could still feel you though you are not here. What does all this mean? You were just here in my life for just one second, and now you have conquered my mind for eternity. It was all white when you came in my life. I could see cherry blossoms flying around with you in front of me, staring and wondering if I am alright. Wearing the white mask and cape, you handed me a black rose, which lead me melting away in the twilight of your eyes. You then began to sing the sweetest of song that drives me insanely away from reality. I fell in love for one minute. Then..You left. My white imagination turned all normal and simple again. Oh, how I wish to see that face behind that mysterious voice that took my heart away. Where are you now my white phantom? You held me prisoner in your voice, and now I'm trapped.

A Blog Link Change

As you all may see, I have decided to change my blog link from psychocrazyho.blogspot.com to lostinthetwlightofyoureyes.blogspot.com. Reason why I changed? Just thought it would be cool to have that link. Suddenly thought of changing my whole blog, including the link..So, yeah..

Lost In The Twilight Of Your Eyes..

Let's just dance once more in this cold, dark world. Take my hand and I'll lead you away from the light that is waiting for you. I will bring you to the deepest depths of despair, where you and I will dance with the shadows and whispering winds. We will walk on dark water, tip-toeing through the thorn bushes and run endlessly in this race of confusion. You will fly up high into the skies, where I will be the only one who catch your fall. Though wounded, you will always manage to get back up. I smiled upon great strength. You slowly became my light though you don't know it. But in the end, this world wasn't enough, and you decided to cross over the light that was waiting for you all this while. I was left here, alone. I looked as you are being sucked into the twilight of the shine. Your dark dress turned white and your eyes became alive. You did not look back even once for you are not fond of the past moments. You then, disappeared...

Our Picture

"I will paint our picture out of memory, and you out of my smile..."
"Don't think I can get through this...ever"

The exact words from my mind. I guess, I want just everything back to what it used to be..But, I know I can't have that. Oh, sweet, sweet agony..I will return your love soon enough. Give me some time to return myself to reality because my heart is still all so wounded. I'm barely hanging on, but I'll pull through..Let's just pray. ok?

How Far More?

We, we are two of a kind being that never stop believing. Never did once we doubt, and never once we do not forgive..Now, times had changed drastically, and that had lead me walking alone on this path that we've created together. Having a new guardian, you followed wherever the light was going in this dark, dark world. Couldn't have the heart to trust, I chose to go on alone while you followed that spark of light, that little spark of joy. I saw you from a far distance, looking hopeful, looking content after so long. Having no other choice, I replied back with a warm smile as a sign of letting you roam free in this land of eternal darkness. Slowly, day by day, you are breaking free from this cold, lonely world. I would know, because I've been watching over you since day 1. I couldn't feel anything but this numbness at heart and the pain in my chest, suffocating my very last breaths. Alas. I fell. I fell without you walking by my side.

As you kept going further and further away, I grew colder day by day. Knowing I have no one else to stop me, I let myself roam free in the darkest way, the cruellest way. Evil had decided to conquer my very soul and let my fear eat myself up so I would turn into the ugliest being that have the greatest desire for attention. Thinking that this was a competition, I let myself race. Race in this pointless marathon that has no finish line - for me. Running and pacing, I ran as fast as I could, but the light was always slightly faster. Running and running, I finally gave up and fell on my knees, crying over my defeat. I knew I couldn't do it from the start.

Now, I am this cold being, that has no warm heart. A heartless. The black, dark shadow that lurks only in the pits of darkness. And whenever the light shines bright, I despises it, I curse it, and I cry over it. I've cared, I've loved, and I've cried. Now, let me glow, glow in the darkest form ever. Let me be tied down by my own sorrow, and mourn over my defeat. Let me go. Though I was there before the existence of the light, but who notices a dark and twisted being when there's a chance to reborn?..yeah. We all know. But...the question now is; how far more?..

a phase change.

have you ever wonder what is it like to finally let go of the person you love most, just to discover that it was nothing but an illusion? well, i certainly do. it isn't easy, i admit, but the moment when you realised that they are still around, lingering at your very doorstep, you wonder, why was i so stupid to do such a thing. yeah. it was good when it lasted. was able to actually be myself for a while there. and mind you, i am not talking about no guys. guys play no important role in my life. yes. i think some of you may know haha. oh well. i will try to get over this and go on with my life. after all, life is but a step away. just so know you, i will try to set things right once again. can't be doing my finals if i have to go through with these things in mind lol. anyways! getting this out of me starting. . . . . . . . . . . . . . now! haha.

finals is tomorrow and omg! i need to start studying and work for it. i have about half marks to pass my semester! pray damn it, prayyyyyy! haha. anyways. adios! wanna study. sorta haha. bye!

The Forgotten Angel.

She took my hand and said;
"My dear friend, there is nothing to worry about for I will be here with you all the time, and when you look up at the skies above at night, you will remember the times we've been together"

She then let go of my hand and flew away. I then replied;
"For all I know, you will always remain in my heart.

I promise...."

Final Week, Final Step, FINALS!!

The last 3months had went by so fast. It seems like just yesterday, my college lesson is just starting. This week is my final week for my first semester. Feel kinda sad though for some reason. The end of this week will be my final examinations and well, I can't wait to get it over and done. After that, it is 2 weeks of stress-free crash course haha. Next semester, the March and May intakes will be both combined. So yes, there will be some serious case of competitions, new people to meet, and more classes to attend. But I am ready for it. I can't wait to march to the next step.

This Thursday will be my English class party. We're having party. Pizza party to be exact. haha. I need some ideas for games. If anyone can think of something, just leave me a comment. I need it. haha. Me and my sister are now the gamemasters. LOL! I'm gonna wear nicely for the party. It's gonna be one hell of a photo taking session haha.

haha. Anyways, I'm outta here.

Thoughts

We sure have come a long way. For some it is impossible to reach to this point, but we made it somehow. You and I are one crazy combination, and I'm glad we found one another. :)

Blog, No Idea, Missing, Songs, Laughs!

In love with the song whatever it takes! haha. Today, I feel like blogging, but I have absolutely no idea on what to blog about. haha! Tomorrow is another presentation, next week is finals, haha. Really, I have no idea what to write about. I LOVE LOVE LOVE lifehouse! haha. And I freaking miss so many God damn people and those God damn people didn't even give me any signs if they are even alive! haha. Oh wells. I'm outta here!!

Gratitude Of The Unspoken.

Once upon a time, I met this mysterious girl that I've been dying to get close to. When I first glanced upon her dark beautiful brown eyes and her wavy black hair, the first thought that came into my head was damn. There she was, standing there alone, steadily hanging onto what I see as, an invincible string. The string was merely nothing, more like a strong, transparent thread. From then onwards, I started to study her every moves, and noticing her every likes and dislikes. It took me a while, but I got in the end.

One fine day came along, and it was a new start of a brand new year. It was then when I found out I have ended up the in the same class as the very same girl. A slight rush was filled in me, a mix of excitement and fear. As a result, I ended up with a crazy heartburn thinking that I must be God damn dreaming.

The sun was still down, it was still dark as it was 7 in the morning. The cold, cold breeze blew from here to there, and the smell of the grass so green right from the field, next to the assembly podium, was able to detect. Oh, what beautiful morning it was. As the morning goes by, as usual, the managements took forever explaining about things that were already explained 10 years ago. Don't know why they bothered and why they had to waste their precious times. After the long-winded speech that was given by all the management of the school, we were finally able to go to our own classes.

As I walked to my class, my friends pulled me aside and said things like, "I don't want to be in a different class from you" and stuff that were related to that. But it's life. Things are bound to change, one way or another. After that one heat of letting go, I moved towards the class that I was set for. On the way there, that girl, came to me and asked if I was in the same class as she does. Without hesitating, I said; "yes".

We decided to sit next to each other. She claimed that she has no one else to sit with. From there, we slowly developed, what I believe as, the greatest friendship. It didn't take long before she opened up to me about her life, but it sure took me a while. I had trust issues due to what had happened in my past. However, that never stopped her from giving up. She tried and tried and tried even more. But I refuse to let anything out. It was a great deal of security for me.

One day, that girl and I had something to do for our cooking class and we wanted to practice before we actually start the real deal. We then decided to hang around someone's place and hit to one of her most trusted friend's crib after. Our other member couldn't make it because of some silly excuse and that made that girl fired up. She couldn't stop venting while we were walking to one of our friend's place. Vent, vent, vent, vent. She honestly looked like some crazy person that was ready to kill someone back then, but thank God I manage to cool her down with words I didn't imagine I could actually say. From then on, I started considering on Psychology as my future course. (yes, yes. lol)

On the very same day, was when I started opened up to her about everything. It was because we had time to talk, we clicked more than we used to be. I told her everything. From childhood experience to primary experience, from the friends I had met to the dramas I had faced, and lastly about my family dilemmas. She was glad that I finally opened up to her. The joy in her face was priceless. It was as if her pathway of life was suddenly shown by the light above. It was funny, weird, and great at the same time.

From that day onwards, we shared everything we have in common, everything we dislike, what we love to do and what we hate, life happenings, and everything else. It was the most greatest thing that has happened to me so far that very year. I couldn't stop thanking God for the presence of her in my life. She was my breath of fresh air, my saviour of darkness.

Though we had our ups and downs, we were strong. We were strong enough to be put our egos aside and talk about the mistakes that we had put each other through. On top of that, we are so strong that even until today, we still are the greatest among all. We could go through any crazy times, any depressing ones, miseries, sob calls, drunk calls, arguments, fights, and so on. Of course there are also happy times. Let's just let that be my own memory to keep. =]

This very girl, has been the greatest love of my life, next to God and also my cousins. lol. She had been there for me through dark and bright. haha. Now that she is growing up, I have no choice but to let her go. It took me a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of cries, but I know, deep down inside, she will still remain. I know that you've been telling me this all this while, but trust me, it isn't as easy as you think it was. lol. If you are wondering, I am not in love with you. I am just very much attached to you. (just in case you take it the wrong way, y'know? ;] )

You have been a great person, great monitor, but most of all, a great friend. Thank you for understanding the other side of me, embraced it, and took in like no other. Ever since the last time I argued with you, I have decided to draw a line across it. It is enough. I will accept changes with open arms from now on. And that goes the same with what's happening to you. If you must, go ahead. I won't stop you. Not any more. I will now, set you free. Fly away, my lil' butterfly and prove the whole world that you are who you are. Be strong and free. I will stand by you all the time, no matter what it is, how it was, and what is going to be. I will be around, just call for me and I assure you, I will get there before your first tear can shed.

Charlene, you are the most dearest to my heart, and from the bottom of my heart I want to say, thank you, I'm sorry, and I promise. If you know what I mean. haha.

Anyways, I'm outta here. Supposed to be studying!!!!!!! haha. Bye all.

OMG!

Like my title said, OMG! haha! I got a brand new guitar! Okay, maybe not brand new, but it sure does looks like brand neww!! It's a Santa Cruz guitar, given to me by my sister's boyfriend! :D It is bloody red in colour (which is another OMG coz I wanted a bloody red guitar from Yamaha that day!) haha! Real cool. Sounds not half bad. And I manage to actually tune it, thank you very much. haha. Anyways, enough talking. Let the pictures do the talking for me'th. haha. ;)

















:D Peace out!

Presentation Week!

WoooHooo! The week that I've been dying for is here! This week is the week where everyone starts their long, awaited presentations. Our English class, which is Mrs Chua's class, require us to do a simple book review and a brief study of the charaters. However, Madam Goh's class, where I wish to be my class, gave her class an open topic to choose from. A very wide varietied topic. haha.

There is a friend of mine that's from Madam Goh's class, where by the name of Dalvinder (yes, yes, the emo boy) he chose the most predictable topic, and mind you, it is so him. haha. He chose to talk about suicide. haha. Stupid jackass really has nothing better to talk about. Whereas for his friend, Aavinash, I think he's talking about the environment. haha. Me? Me...me.......Me. haha I am doing book review on The Diary of Anne Frank. It is one hell of a boring book. Seriously and honestly BORING! I really don't see how people can learn to enjoy it. swt.....haha

Here's a glimpse of how the book looks like....



Wuah lah! The wonderful Diary of Anne Frank...

You know, somehow, true story based things, no matter movies or books, scares me. Maybe it is the fact that it happened during the civil war or maybe it is the fact that the past has some scary stuff happening. I don't know. All I know is it scares me, and haha, when it does, I don't bother to even touch or look at it. haha. (I'm sure by now you should be able to tell have I finished the book or have I not. haha)

Anyways, I'm hungry and in college. Bored and hungry. I think I will get something to munch. Okay maybe not munch, but actually eat haha. Alrights. I'm outta here!

the heart held prisoner.

Look me in the eyes, and tell me what do you see. The storm in my heart is finally ending, and there comes the shine piercing through the dark clouds above. Though standing on the shore alone, it still doesn't matter. For the mind of mine has finally figured out the riddles to my own heart. Blinded all this while of silly things and nonsense behaviour, thy fell down like no other. Fell in the darkest of all pits, now slowly surfacing my intention-free mind and heart. Thy last breath has been consumed, for thy have died for a while. Lay asleep in the dungeons of the pits of despair, to be held prisoner by thy own heart. Now, thy are coming back. Slowly waking up from the endless nightmare that thy had put so many people through. Come back!; thee said. Hearing that sweet sound of reminder, thy had realised that it has been real silly of thy to go on in the dark. Now, let's all celebrate for a new day is dawning, a new life is starting. Thy may not be great as before, but thy sure can try to be the best.

L.Y.G.F.G.A.M.F.M.F.B.O.L!

I shall not wait no longer. Today is the time to move, to set my feelings straight. I will not dwell in this darkness no longer. Today is the day where I will start my march. I will march forth and never turn back. Treating everyone the same, no highs, no lows. No more priorities is set, no more important and least important. I will live my life with the things I have to do, and the things I should be worried about. I will not turn back from this journey of life, and continue going forward till I reach my goal.

Pathway Of Love

This is a song I randomly thought of today during my computing class..lol. Stupid replacement class. It was at 4pm till 6pm, so yeah, I had a lot of time to kill. lol. This song don't exactly have a tune just yet, but I am working on it. These lines are cheezy though, I would say. lol. Somehow, these words flew out from my fingers, and I decided to just make it a song.

I guess what inspired me was, as usual, Charlene. Don't know how, don't know why, but yeah. This, of course, isn't about me. It is more about her. I don't know if she'll come across this, but yeah..

Anyways, this song is entitled Pathway Of Love. The story line of this song is kinda clear already, so there is no need to explain. Take a good look, pray I have the tune in tack soon, and I'm out.

Pathway Of Love

Tears in my head,
And thoughts in my mind.
I wished I could stay,
Right here tonight.
Though all I know,
It's something that never shows,
But who do you call,
When you're all there alone?

Sleeping tonight,
With tears in my eyes.
Holding so tight,
A photo with life.
Something you've said,
Made me to stay.
I need you tonight,
Cause I'm loosing the fight.

And Some things never change,
I know, I'm aware of that.
This story never meant,
For you in my life.

Can you walk once again with me,
In this pathway of love.
Show me how it's like,
To be all the way above.
You were the one,
That I ripped heart for,
Can you show me once again,
That this is worth it all.

6 years went by,
And you're still right here with me.
Doubting never change,
But it have made us complete.
Now I know,
Who you really are.
But show me once again,
That you are who you are.

Things may never change,
That is what I believe.
But fate do remain,
Making us eternity.

Can you walk once again with me,
In this pathway of love.
Show me how it's like,
To be all the way above.
You were the one,
That I ripped heart for,
Can you show me once again,
That this is worth it all.

You may never always be here,
But the truth is that,
You are always near.

Can you walk once again with me,
In this pathway of love.
Show me how it's like,
To be all the way above.
You were the one,
That I ripped heart for,
Can you show me once again,
That this is worth it all.

Can you walk once again with me,
In this pathway of love.
Show me how it's like,
To be all the way above.
You were the one,
I believed,
The person who change my life,
And for eternity.

Another Morning, Another Emotion.

Yeah, life does have it's ups and downs..But what happens when we all are fed up of everything that matters to us? That even the greatest of all love won't change how we are right at this moment? I really don't know. Are we destined to walk an eternity of doubts and confusion, or are we going to look through things and say, "I can do it"? I certainly can't say I can do it. I have tried though. We may have a glimpse of light waiting for us at the end of our pain, but it is worth it all? Is it the x-factor of all life when we decide to actually go through the light? Darkness stays..

I may have gave it my best shot to actually please myself, but it isn't enough for just me alone. I need others. Oh well, guess I have to just deal with this anyways. Life, you're a pain in the neck.

Anyways, I'm off.

Morning Arura..

Have you ever had moments where you just can't forget, stupid or sweet? Good or bad?..lol I certainly know I have. Though those moments were just another memory, but it is definitely one of the best ever. Right now, I feel as if those memories are fading away. I know I shouldn't doubt anything at all about anyone or whatever happens, but I can't help but to worry. And apparently, worrying is one of the most deadliest weapon ever. I really can't help it. I am trying though, and I think I actually succeeded last night haha. Just for a while. lol.

You know, I wish I would stop drifting at the sea of confusing and doubt, and just get on with my life. I've been drifting for way too long now. Way, way too long..But, all I do is just wish.

Anyways, off to college now. I think I actually need to blog every morning just to get my mind off of things lol. Alrights now. Going off..

Rings, Lights, & One very empty table.

Do you see what I see in this picture? I don't know about you, but this picture always gives me the feel of loneliness, and the beauty of two things combined. This picture has no meaning to me. It was just randomly taken by my cousin. Both these rings are mine, but it gives me the feel this both rings, has some significant meaning. In other words, it was beautifully taken.

Right now, I'm feeling this picture. So very empty, standing alone, but yet feeling ever so content as well. lol. I think I'm just having those mixed emotions days again. lol anyways, catch y'all laters.

What? Where? When? huh?

Updated playlist!

The falling leaves, drift by my window, the falling leaves of red and gold...

I wish..
I hope..
I pray..
and I fall..

Slow Me Down - Emmy Rossum

Rushing and racing, and running in circles
Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world, I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand, and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might disappear
In the blur of fast forward I falter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Passed me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down

Love? Ranting is more like it..lol

What exactly is LOVE? Love, love, love! Anyone can just SAY 'I love you'. ANYONE! But, do you know what is the real deal? Do you know how it is like really being in love? I know some may have known, but most of us, just say it for the sake of saying it! Argh! And mind you, it pisses me off! "I love you" was once the most treasured word, and it is not to be said until you actually mean it! Not when you think you mean it or when you just feel like saying it! GOD DAMN IT! Say it when you mean it! When you REALLY want to have that person for the rest of life! OMG! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL!

I am not blaming anyone or criticizing, but really, get a grip! Love is something to be treasured, something to cherish! Not some word you JUST say. And fuck you if you think love is just for relationship! Coz it is not! Love, is just a word. If you really love a person, SHOW IT! What the helllll! Love this, love that...FULL OF BULLSHIT!

Love is misused because of such dilemmas, and well, it is hard to see because love is such a genuine thing. I wouldn't actually say it until I mean it. I won't say 'I love you' until I know I am stable enough to handle the responsibility to come. I won't just say it, I will show it! It sucks to know that some people actually would say it for the fun of it or just cause they feel like it. I strongly feel that, that isn't the right thing to do. If you really want to say it, mean it, and hold it with you at all time! 'Cause the people you said it to, may buy it once, but they sure can't hold on to just your words all the time! They need you to hold onto your words and show them that it is actually true! GOSHHH!!!! How clueless can people be?!

I think I am just ranting it all out..haha. Somehow, I feel the need to tell the world. haha. But seriously, say it, mean it, hold it..Don't leave any of that three behind. It will make your life a living nightmare! And I will make your life a living nightmare if you just simply say it to me or any of my dear friends! Anyways..haha gotta run! See yas..

Contentment.

Nothing like a cold, cold day eh?..Today is such a beautiful day. The air is constantly moving, the weather is just right, and the company, well, it's priceless. I thought of taking a picture for this post 'coz I it seems like the moment thing to do. The picture I took isn't all wow but, it does show exactly how I'm feeling at the moment.

This contentment is slowly dying off and I can do nothing about it. lol. All I want to say is, our life course changes, so why not appreciate every moment we have left. Tell the your loved ones that you love them, before it's too late. Tell your friends that you appreciate them with your life before they leave, before they fade. 'Coz whether we like it or not, they will disappear one day. Even I will disappear, but till then, I am living each day one day at a time.

Expressing how you feel isn't exactly easy. It is actually hard. Especially to me. On the outside, I seemed all stable, confident, happy, but the truth is I am very unstable, emotionally. Lol. Ah! Forget all of this! haha. I've forgotten the real meaning of joy, even until now. I realised that I needed to be constantly reminded of my contentment. Which is quite sad, if you ask me. haha.

Anyways, that is it for now. Today is Nick's birthday. Going out for dinner with him later. >.< I feel bad having Charlene paying for the food, but I'm brokee. Really, really broke......(I'm sorry Lene.... :'( ..) lol. Alright, I'm off now.

currently hearing : teddy geiger, a million years.

Random!

This is my song...la la laa..Love that song and I'm hearing it now. It's by Brandie Carlile. haha. Anyways, I've been super content lately. haha. Though I'm super, duper broke! >.< So life has been great, and college has been going well. Though me and my college mates suspects a flying disease-carrying mosquito in college. *GAPS* Yeap, the deadly dengue is back, ladies and gentlemen. haha. So far, there's 3 people infected. Let's hope there's isn't any more than just them 3..swts..haha.

I'm currently lovin' college life! Though I think I'm super blur in class whenever any of my college mates talks to me or maybe I'm just super sleepy. I'll go with the sleepy!!!! :P Anyways, I've been thinking lately, and well haha, I've decided to be more open than I used to be and embrace change! haha. Sounds like a mighty hard task..So to help me with that, I shall also find a new hobby..(yes, yes Charlene..haha) Maybe I should start reading..........Nahh! haha. I'll think of something! :P

Tomorrow is Nick's birthday!! haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE NICKKKK!!!!

haha. I absolutely love birthdays! It's one of the best days to celebrate! :D Anyways, I'm outta here! Ciaoz and take care all!

Friendship.

What is more beautiful than a pair of hands locked together? I think this is, by far, the most beautiful picture I've ever seen. It just seems like the world's weight was lifted in that very picture. Some people see it in relationships, and some in family. I see it in the beauty of friendship. It may sound all crazy or rather weird, but to me, nothing matters more than relationship I have with my friends. Through hardship, sorrows, miseries or just good ol' times, I appreciate every moment of it. I may have to go through all the shit in the world for them, but it is all worth it. Having people like them is like having my prayer answered. This could be a crazy thing to be praying and hoping about, but I do. I know one day, they will leave my life, but until then, I will go through every moment one step at a time. At least then, I have something to look back after a couple of years later, and get to say this very line, "I have been there, got my heart broken, broken a heart, but we mended it back together, as one".

I sound rather in love aren't I? haha. Guess you can say I love the relationship I have with my friends. Not all people can see or feel that, but those who could, I know how it is like. haha. Now, I see everyday as a gift! la la laa..



haha! I love that picture..Anyways, these are the people I'm talking about. The loves of my life. haha. Through crazy, stupid, happy, sad, hyper and insane time, we all still make the best of the day. Love it all, love you all. =)

Please excuse my face in most of the picture..haha












Life is dead without people like you,
It is especially hard when life treats me like a fool.
Sometimes, I doubt about the true meaning of life,
But you all held me back, and lead me to the light.
I can do nothing but to thank all of you,
For being the greatest people in my life..

Dreams...garh!

Have you ever encounter a dream so real that when you're in it, you feel like the world has just stopped for you, that everything else does not matter, just to wake up finding that it was just a dream?..Well, I'm sure you have. I know I have a couple of times, and I just did again just now. Everything seemed so hopeful at that one moment, that second but, it was just a dream. Funny thing was that my dreamed just now, worked two way. I dreamt that I was dreaming. It is crappy enough that we realise it was just a dream but, realising it and, freaking out that it was just a dream in our dreams? Let me tell you..It's torturous.

But ahh..I guess it's good when it lasted. My dream left me in cloud nine, but also gave me a huge slap in the face when I realise it was a dream. What more freaking out in my dream?..I guess good things don't happen just like that. sighs...

Anyways, my dream was me dreaming (swt) I fell in love with this guy named erm..Kevin, I think. It sounded like Kevin...lol. Anyways, he was the man, and i mean THE man of my dreams. He isn't all perfect, but he was heaven for me. I remembered how he looked like anywhere..He had broad shoulders, real sensitive eyes, he's tall and sort of buffed. He had the most gorgeous hair, and the most sexy lips. His hand fits in mine perfectly, and he constantly showered me with his surprises. So one day, he gave my mum (yeah i know...swt) a ring, and asked her to give it to me. He didn't want to give it to me himself 'coz he knows I was expecting something from him. So instead, he passed it to my mum to hand it to me (and no, it wasn't a wedding ring but just a gift. though it felt like a wedding ring..lol) So when my mum handed me that ring, I got soo..ahhh..I don't know how to describe that feeling. I was literally floating on cloud nine when I held that ring in my hands. I got really excited, and decided to phone Charlene up. She was the FIRST person that popped into my mind (looks like you matter to me the most even in my dreams..lol), but I woke up, in my dream, holding the phone while staring at his picture. It wasn't the best picture of him though..And yeah, I actually thought of that in my dream..lol.

I woke up in my dream, saying to myself, "it was just a dream??.." Then, I began to freak out because it felt SO REAL! I remembered me saying, "how can that be a dream? everything was so in place...it even gave me hope.." I think I know why I'm saying that, but just to be sure, I'll first find out. lol. Anyways, I was freaking out so badly that I even crashed my car, and got a ticket from the police. A 500bucks ticket! o.O And I remembered it was near the roads where the first U-Turn from ZooView. I felt so empty...Then, I really woke up. I felt even emptier! Crappy, empty, shitty, hopeless....everything..garh!

ARGH! I hate a two-way dream..It makes me feel crappier than usual. Garhh!! Anyways, I'm out. Gotta shower then head for dinner. Take care all, and have a nice night...